Technology That Matters - #0001

My first experience with Technology That Matters…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When I was growing up, technology never really impressed me.

Walkman? I did appreciate portable music, but it wasn't a wondrous, amazing, "magical" experience. Mix tapes were a chore, pencils had to be angled ‘just right’ to wind them after tapes got eaten, and lyrics were sung at 1/2 speed as the batteries slowly died skiing down the diamond slopes (I know. Weird kid: Side A: Shooting Star. Side B: The Great White North, “Take Off”…Bob and Doug McKenzie! "Black Hole, eh?").

Computer? My dad’s PC did help me organize my ever-growing stamp and coin collection when I was 10. But hours vaporized making the computer do anything productive for me (although I did achieve a Zen-like relationship to a DOS-based database that cross-referenced 1,539 stamps from dozens of countries!)

MIDI? Even as I got into composing and recording, MIDI mapping, analog synth programming, and drum machine 'coding' took hours to make it work before creativity could flow. Once I did that, it did provide hours of awesomeness...but it didn't 'just work'. (Although, to be fair, the knowledge gained was pure gold in future Up With People tours)

None of the technology I encountered impressed me…

...Until that Blessed Day...

I remember it clearly. The sun was just a bit more sunnier, the roads were just a bit more road-trippy, and the angels were guest BGV's to my amazing car-karaoke vocal rendition of "Beautiful Girls".

I pulled into KwikTrip in my Dodge Daytona (T-Tops of course) to get my normal processed coffee, when in the distance I heard some excited whispering...

...then a bold statement:

"GOD BLESS TECHNOLOGY"

What could be the cause of such a grand statement? Could it be the iPhone? No, that wouldn't be invented for several years. The self-tuning guitar? No, Gibson will try but it’ll be put on a lame ax.

I walked towards the small crowd and stared in awe at the object of awesome – shimmering like a 24th century replicator:

The KwikTrip Smoothie Machine.

I know. I know. You had the same experience. We might as well refer to our lives as BESM and AESM (Before Encountering Smoothie Machine, After Encountering Smoothie Machine).

Let me take you to the moment of my conversion:

1) Choose
Reflecting Biblical-based free-choice doctrine, I can freely choose flavor and style: frozen cappuccino flavors, smoothie flavors, or milkshake flavors. My excitement grows...

2) Open
Uh-oh. Doubt sets in as I open the lid. Surely this bucket of hard-as-ice-frozen-potential isn't going to turn into anything but freezer-burn-sadness. I push through on the promise of what is foretold...

3) Blend
I put the bucket into the machine, and quickly discover a secret second choice: Consistency. Stunning. How can a mere machine automate how thick or smooth the frozen-yet-liquid perfection gets?

I push "Smooth": The magic machine raises the bucket and starts. I will someday learn more about the magical technology that at once heats, mixes, cools, and delivers the finished smoothie. For now I will assume it involves galloping hamsters, baby dragon’s breath, and diamond dust.

Then the machine stops.

I bathe in the glory of a perfect smoothie that was moments before a frozen cylinder in the freezer.

Not only is the consistency perfect, the flavor is exquisite. AND, there is no freezer burn (job well done, baby dragons!).

Yummy…

…and not a This-Is-Pretty-Good-I-Should-Maybe-Get-Another-Someday kind of YUMMY, but a This-Is-So-Good-I-Sure-Hope-The-Government-Doesn't-Force-Me-To-Choose-Between-This-Smoothie-And-My-Kids-Because-I’d-Sure-Miss-Them kind of YUMMY!

I leave a changed man. Soon after I, too, start inventing.

I only hope that one day I will give back to mankind a fraction of what mankind has given to me that day..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So, have you encountered a technology that makes you stop in your tracks?

Technology That Matters - #32

You already know that I'm an inventor. Having such a pulse on the edge of technology, I feel it is my duty and privilege to bring you up to speed on the latest technologies I come across that inspire me.

This one made me gasp…

So simple…

So elegant…

It is something I could have used every single day, no...several times a day, during my world travels last year (especially in Bangkok).

It is...

The toilet seat handle.

The Anti-bacterial coated toilet seat handle.

How could I have not thought of this pinnacle of technology? This should have had a "Powered by HinterVision" label on the side.

Admit it. How many times have you danced the one-footed I'm-at-the-airport-but-i-was-raised-to-raise-the-seat-when-I-pee-so-I'll-lift-the-toxic-coated-green-and-slimy-seat-with-my-foot-while-pondering-who-pees-green-and-what-country-did-that-guy-just-visit dance, only to find that the required agility can only be matched by Michael Flatley or Chris Angel...and lets face it, neither would put themselves in that position because while you're peeing with the commoners, they’re in the  executive suite in the Admirals club complaining how Heathrow’s stalls have solid wooden doors and floor-to-ceiling walls compared to the "ridiculous" attempt at luxury found at Charles De Gaulle.

The caste system could be leveled, and courtesy preserved, with the world-wide adoption of this simple innovation.

MY conspiracy theory is that the anti-bacterial hand cleaner consortium are actually very much PRO-bacterial...otherwise they'd be out of a need for their product...so they suppress this toilet handle technology and force us coach-weary travelers to help the next stall occupier…resulting in either scrubbing our now leprociaic hands until they’re raw, or by attempting one-footed contortions that while a manly show of dexterity, usually ends with a deafening ‘spa-looshing’ sound of our iPhones spelunking to the depths of its watery grave.

Only the freedom fighters (bacterial insurgents to the aforementioned consortium) at the local Gymnastics club are bold and brave enough to flaunt this technology in the face of the evil suppressors and fly the handle high into the bold sweet night as an example of freedom that can be found if we…

Just…

Let …

Science …

Be …

Science.

If you truly care about freedom, post this on your status and share in the fight to liberate technology that matters!