"You did great…if you want to try again just prepare,
practice, and you'll rock it!"
Or just…
"I love you…I'm here to help you succeed".
But nope. I blurted out "You're better than that".
I could see it stung instantly. I quickly said, "Sorry,
that was a bad thing to say". Without hesitation, she
responded…."Yes, it was".
It more than stung, it wounded her. In an instant, 6 months
(or 17 years) of encouragement, support, guidance, and advice cut down by 4
words.
It was in the middle of a room waiting for a college
tour…she had commented on her ACT score…which was already above what most get, and the paper she was showing me listed a
range…she just finished saying that even with her off-the-charts GPA she thought about taking the ACT test again, and for some
reason, my inner Neanderthal said…
"I agree. You're Better Than That".
It's been a few days, and I think we're OK, but I can't stop
thinking about it.
My thoughts?
She IS
better than that…she is not just a score on some standardized test.
She has proven herself over and over that she has grit to get great results.
Her
personality, attitude, what she's overcome shows me she is definitely better
than a stupid remark suggesting her identity is labeled with a single score
I am
better than that. I KNOW how to support and respect and encourage and challenge
my kids, and I know this phrase is only hurtful. I should say this phrase as a
reprimand for myself
Oh, and my multi-year sadness of finding purpose and value
in my life in vain should tell me that test results, scores, and all the other
"people pleasing" I thrive on is NOT the key to a joy-filled life.
So what do I do?
Think before I speak…learn from my failures…
And possibly turn the phrase into a mission statement my
Ladies can grow from…
"You are better than that...that single measurement…in fact, no matter how you are
measured…for school, work, society, friends, lovers…you are better than any small measurement. You are so much more. You are a gift…a unique creation…and
while school and work need to create measurements that are common across all
that want to participate, you need to realize your uniqueness is special and can't be measured. No
one will have the same journey as you…the same observations…the same successes,
failures…and no one will experience this world in the same way as you. Embrace this, explore your uniqueness, learn
what interests you, challenge yourself…create something new every day. Wake up
each morning with a passion to improve yourself in some small way each day…
Make the phrase, "I'm Better Than This" a war cry … that in the next
18 hours, you will improve yourself… Make this a self-fulfilling prophecy: You
will be a better version of you at 10pm than you were at 6am...on December 31st than you were on January 1st...at age 58 than you were at 48"
In the end, I hope she knows I love hear dearly, I would do
anything for her, and that I am greatly flawed. I asked for forgiveness, and
she gave me forgiveness. Maybe with the mission statement above I can also give
her a perspective she can use for years to come.
Yesterday (OK not yesterday...but I was too friggin' pissed off to compose myself enough to write this when I first saw the photo)...I was browsing my photos to find shots I wanted to share on my new Flickr account (while still an amateur, I'm loving the art of photography and want to post my favorites).
Then I came across this photo. (well, a screen shot from my iPad)
It stopped me in my tracks.
I instantly yelled, "YOU IDIOT!!!!" then, "What the HELL where you THINKING!?!", then a version of "FRICK!"...but it rhymed with what I would utter now if someone asked what the %&$* I was thinking,.... "uuuhhhhh..."
You may recall I briefly mentioned this memory in my Prince Memories post, but quite frankly, I had forgotten the details.
And now they're staring back at me with Frickin' retina HD photo quality:
I HAD AMAAAAAAAZING TICKETS TO PRINCE IN 2012 AND I LET THEM GO!
Look...at...this:
Frick.
Worst of all? I let them go...see the bottom right corner???
TIME LEFT: 00:00 - I was actually WATCHING the timer go down...until I no longer had these tickets.
Dang-it-all-to-Frickerville!
Oh, and LOOK at the seats: Section 111, Row 1, Seats 11-12.
ROW Fricking ONE!!!
In case you can't see it, here's a purple arrow pointing to the 2 seats I basically had in my hands...
...and I let them dissolve away.
Not feeling the impact yet?
LOOOOOOOOK!!
Ugh. I'm sick.
Now before you say, "Well, it was a Tuesday...in Chicago...it's a long drive, and you had kids to worry about".
One more thing: LOOK AT THE DATE!!!
September 25, 2012.
Doesn't ring a bell?
Well it does to us.
OUR WEDDING ANNIVERSARY IS THE 25TH OF SEPTEMBER!!!!
Frick!
....our 19th Wedding anniversary.
Frick! Frick!
What the Frickety-Frick-Frack was I thinking?!?
"Hmm, what could I get my wife to show how much I love her? PRINCE TICKETS SO CLOSE TO THE GUITAR-SHAPED STAGE WE COULD SEE HIS SWEAT SPARKLE IN THE LIGHTS AND MAYBE CATCH A PURPLE GUITAR PICK???
Na, how about a night home watching the news?
FRICK!
I know at the time I'm sure I had a great excuse, but dang, right now it just screams:
You settled into mundaneness
You lost your sense of adventure
If it requires effort, you just let great experiences pass you buy
Your priorities are frackity-farckle-frick screwed up!
Ya, ya, I've had some great adventures since. But this rivals my biggest regret (a future blog...but I was in Verona for a week during a year-long world-wide Up With People tour) and was offered to travel to Rome for 24 hours for $100...and I declined because I didn't feel my budget could handle the extra expense...FRICK!!! One Hundred Dollars? I blow through that in one night of Sushi...and I've STILL NOT BEEN. Of course now it will cost me at least $5,000)
AAAHHH!
And this ticket regret? It's not even like my Rome regret...Rome won't suddenly die...Rome hasn't given me years of joyous memories and emotions. I may even get to Rome and say, "This is crap...lets return to Dublin"...but I LOVE PRINCE CONCERTS!!!
Unbelievable.
I'm sure I'll recover, and post something positive and "witty" in a future blog.
...but right now all I can say is...
I'M A FRICK FRICK FRACKITY-FRANGLE-FRICKER-FRICKFACE...
Flooding back…lost in the years…lost in the business of
life…blurred out by conservative views.
It’s been a while since the news hit, so by now it’s nearly
irrelevant, but even if it’s just for my own benefit...
...here’s my journey with Prince...
First Listen
It was 1984. I was a rocker. I loved AC/DC, Van Halen, and
all related guitar-luvin music. The first rock concert movie I saw was AC/DC’s
“Let There Be Rock” at the Skyway theaters. Huge stack of speakers on each side
of the screen…it as awesome! My parents would have cringed if they knew
Angus “mooned” the audience during a guitar solo. Oh, and we hated any music
with “keyboards” (I know, later I learned piano and have been playing and
composing since I was 16…life’s funny that way). We even contemplated
boycotting Van Halen when “Jump” came out with…keyboards! Anyway, me and my
brother were returning from a great weekend at our Grandpa’s lake home in
Deerwood, MN. We were driving south past Lake Millacs, (past the big bass
statue), and he said, “Take a listen to this”.
The song started.
Keyboards...
I was skeptical.
We were supposed to hate keyboards.
“…you can always see the sun…” The tension started to
build…maybe not a complete waste of time...
“so when you call up that shrink in Beverly Hills…you know
the one”...
….the drum beat kicked in...
My ears perked up… “…this life, you’re on your
own!"
Then the guitar.
That crunchy, slamming’, aggressive guitar...
This wasn’t some woosy little pop song. This was something
different...
…and by “Punch a higher floor!”… when the wall o’ guitars
slammed into synth stabs...
I was hooked!
By “Take me away!” I was, well, taken away 😃
I’m not sure my brother knew what he started.
Of course 2 seconds after the song ended, a sweet drum fill
…a full measure of drum fill…started the next song.
That was it. I found my favorite music.
Soon enough I discovered 1999, Controversy, Dirty Mind,
Prince, For You…in that order. I wore those cassettes out and knew every song
by heart.
On the plane back from Madrid, the memories continued to
flood back...
... mowing my parents lawn screaming out Delirious … and my
dad educating me that the lawn mower sound doesn’t drown out full-out singing.
… sneaking into the Wayzata movie theater (my friend worked
there). While most would sneak in to eat the stale popcorn, we snuck in to ‘air
jam’ and mimic the choreography to our favorite songs…of course I chose “I
would die for You” and “Baby I’m a Star”.
…choosing a guitar teacher partly because he was cool
looking and an amazing player, but also because he auditioned for Prince’s
band. (Reynold Philipsek…still releasing amazing records)
…trying to convince my mom that Prince was a shy, wholesome
performer who sang about God…while turning down “Erotic City"
...Learning to play guitar and the first song I learned was,
yep, a Prince song.
…writing my first song (on a woefully out of tune guitar)
which was the first a-ha moment that I could not only compose music of my own,
but could explore all kinds of recording techniques (like high-speed guitar),
layering vocals, and playing all instruments myself.
Take a listen to "U Drive Me Insane" below...
Interestingly, as I listen to that first attempt at the whole "produced, arranged, composed, and performed by Greg Hintermeister", I can't believe how fearless I was. I knew I wasn't the most talented, but Prince's music taught me how to strive for interesting music...I wasn't a good vocalist, but still didn't stop me from layering vocals with multiple parts.
...also all on a little 4 track cassette recorder. Crazy. And, I have to say, a few I still love listening to (take a peek at "The Rock", and "In Jesus Name")
Here's a collection from 1985-1987 I now call, "Was Gonna Be A Star":
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
…and then I remember the day the local KDWB radio station had a “Purple Rain Tour”
contest.
I called in and amazingly won 2 tickets to see Prince! I was
so excited…literally flopping on the ground. I asked a friend of mine if he
wanted to go because my parents would NOT approve of me going…we were a very
conservative family. But that wouldn’t stop me. The day of the concert came,
and I was PUMPED...
…and then my friend called. my Mom answered. “Hey, can you
tell Greg we’ll pick him up at 7 for the Prince concert!"
…They were not happy. Although at this point, I’m not sure
if they were mad about the concert or the fact I lied that I was just going to
a friends house for the night.
I was grounded. I was so mad at my friend for leaving the
message that I sold the tickets to a friend of my brothers. Then he was mad at
me, and I don’t think we talked again.
Maybe because of that disappointment, I was driven to
immerse myself in the Prince experience.
…and it filled my life...
~~~~~~~
At some point it became an obsession. At the time I was an
active member of a youth group, so just as Prince’s songs swung between God and
sexuality, my inner Greg went along for the ride. This part is difficult to
think through but it was a part of my Prince journey…not difficult as in
embarrassing or regretful, but difficult because I’m not sure what I
think about the path I took.
I bought everything I could…including a mecca trip to
Electric Fetus to get some rare 12” singles. I also frequented “Knut Koupee”, a
music store frequented by Prince. One time I walked into the store only to hear
a killer Prince-esque drum loop rolling. Flanger, phaser, the whole thing.
Unfortunately it was just a worker, but Prince had been there, and I left with
custom “Love God” guitar pics and “Love God” tambourines left over from his
Purple Rain tour.
About that time I remember seeing a TV performance of Purple
Rain tour (in late 1984?) and feeling so…happy! It’s like when I heard his
music I would smile, jump around, feel invincible, and dream of the day that I
would return to a high school reunion (I was in 9th grade) all famous and play
my own cherished songs 😃 .
But, it wasn’t always good.
As a counselor at a church camp, I spent more time playing
purple rain on piano in mess hall than helping kids
I influenced friends and family and watched how they started
becoming obsessed as well as me. Funny how we can become so focused on someone
we’ve never met.
I went to Knollwood to see “Under the Cherry Moon” opening
night…and at the end of the show, at least as far as we could see, Prince
himself ran down the isle and disappeared through the emergency exit. Was it
really him? Who knows…no GPS nor Twitter at the time. But I think it was based
on the reaction of the girls on the isle seats. Me? I became light-headed (I
know…). My friend shook me out of it and we quickly followed, but when we
opened the emergency exit...
…nothing.
My favorite jam at the time? a b-side called “Irresistible
Bitch”.
Eventually the conflict I felt inside by being a
Jesus-follower and a Prince fan came to a head. I really didn’t know what to
do, and my youth pastor suggested…to burn all my Prince material. WHAT?!?
That’s crazy! burn everything. How extreme.
But, in the end, I did.
And you know what? It hurt! (so maybe it was a good
decision?) Was it ridiculous? Maybe. I don’t know. I did feel I was putting my love of
Prince before faith and obedience. Some day I’ll look back and study the
details…so…into the wood-burning furnace it went…the 12” singles, rare photos,
albums, I was OK until the inside LP cover of Purple Rain (the girl
drawing) was ripped and thrown in…
...I felt that pain deep inside.
That was probably 1986, and for a few years I focused on
music from the young Christian scene. (White Heart, Michael W. Smith, Stryper)
In 1989 the movie “Batman” came out…and of course the music
was amazing. It was a way to get reconnected to Prince’s music in a “PG13” kind
of way. While I loved “Batdance”, my favorite was “Trust”. I learned later that
Jack Nicolson used Prince Music to energize himself so the new music had to
have the same beat, and the same hits (sometime dissect Trust vs. Baby I’m A
Star”).
In early 1990, the radio station “Cities 97” promoted an
intimate concert at a now-defunct night club on highway 394 and 100 (just can’t
remember the name!). I called the venue and...
…I got tickets! The concert was for May 2nd, 1990.
…My 21st birthday was May 15, 1990.
It was an “over 21 only” show.
My heart sank. I even walked up to the venue, met the
manager, took a tour of the night club where Prince’s stage was all set up for
the show that night…and I had to sell them. 13 days too young. (I know…Prince
loved the number 13…irony or whatever)…I couldn’t believe I couldn’t see that
show.
Soon after, Prince announced the Nude tour. Since I worked
at Daytons I got tickets…waaay far away but I didn’t care. One day before the
concert I walked by the ticket window and the gal said, “we have extra Prince tickets”.
16th row. SWEET! I sold the nose-bleed tickets to my brother and bought the
good ones.
What a show. So great to hear all the great songs and see
Prince live on stage.
About that time, Up With People called, and I was asked if I
could travel a year early and play guitar around the world.
During the tour I met other Prince fans, and even met a gal
that had the most sought after bootleg “The Black Album”. Awesome. In fact,
most of the time in some foreign land, I was asked, “Where are you from?”.
I would say, “Minnesota”.
Blank stare.
“Minneapolis”.
Eye sparked…, “AH, PRINCE!"
Yep. I guess he’s always been a part of my identity.
Of course life happens, and I focused on college, job, wife,
kids.
I never did stop recording and composing. Here's a clip from a live theatre soundtrack...one of my favs from "Sleeping Beauty" I wrote in maybe 1997:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Then, in 2006, Prince announced his Musicology tour. I got 2
tickets, great seats, and went with that same girl. He played 2 nights and the
night we went, we were surprised with a new opening band...
…The Time!
What a treat! We got to see Morris Day and all the
rest do their thing. What a fantastic warm-up to Prince, who for that tour did
a ton of hits, an acoustic set, and gave out free CDs to all ticket buyers.
Later I bought 2001's “The Rainbow Children”…my favorite of all
(except for the dumb low-tuned vocal that appears now and then). So funky
and raw. Plus, with that record I realized his music was much more
family-friendly. Mostly PG (or maybe PG-13). I loved listening to it!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Now it’s 2016. I kinda followed his music, but since I was
too cheap, I skipped buying more recent CDs (which required various online
memberships). Recently I was curious if he was still touring and by dumb luck
stumbled into Ticketmaster just as a concert in Chicago went on sale. I found 2
great seats, but having just returned from multiple work trips, I really didn’t
want to deal with the travel logistics (6 hour drive, hotel, blah blah blah…)
so I canceled the order.
I’m a little sick about that. I would click Order in a
heartbeat now.
Now that he’s gone, I’ve been listening to all kinds of
Prince playlists lately…from my own collection, the Current, and others. I’m so
in awe of how much great music he released and how much good stuff there is.
Most of all I’m in awe of how he changed…from “Dirty Mind”
to “The Last December” which is basically an alter call.
So what of all this?
I don’t know. I’m just grateful for his music…and have no
regrets…regardless of the paths his music steered me.
I think, in the end, his music helped me feel alive and connected.
...Alive.
...Connected.
...Fearless.
For that I’m thankful.
…and to be honest, I think I need a little more of that
“feel alive and connected” these days.
To celebrate his life...and mine, I think I'm gonna focus on two things:
1) Compose and record more often and be more fearless.
2) Embrace music...soak it in.
In fact, I think I’ll have to buy me a record
player, some old Klipsch speakers, sit right in front of them...
Sometimes I stare at a blank page and think "What could I share that will inspire or help others reflect on their lives?"
...and then I freeze up and I think, "who am I to inspire people?"
...and then I remind myself that I'm "Jack's Dad"...
...and he's awesome
...so if I just share what he's created, it will inspire you...
...and I think it'll make you smile, too.
I love so many things about him, and these videos reflect the way he takes a creative (and not easy) journey through whatever he does. (after this, go to his channel...)
Like...
The time he took his school assignment and made it into a blockbuster horror movie (not to mention the fact it made me laugh out loud!)
Or the time he first learned about Jazz drumming and I got to "Star" in one of his episodes exploring his two favorite things right now...jazz drumming with a GoPro...
Or the time he learned to make his own Minecraft server, complete with public IP address mapped to a domain name...all for free...(with some IT help from his Dad), and then proceeded to duplicate the Minecraft story in his own real-life episode (if you know anything about the game, this is really cool)...
Or finally the time he explored the limits of his taste buds with his bud...
Thanks for all the smiles, Jack. I can't wait to see what you explore next....
It seems I can, for the first time, freely express my thoughts about my son's MP basic and advanced training. I have so much to get out, but for some reason didn't want to jinx it or make any statement that might have some irrational cosmic effect on our amazing son who is now a Military Police Soldier.
First - graduation; Then - the impact it had
Graduation Week
What a week...what an experience for us to get the smallest glimpse of what he's been through.
As we arrived to Fort Leonard Wood, we saw the company flags
These alone brought emotions since we saw them over and over during key phases on the company's Facebook page, but now could see them for real.
Once we entered the field house for Family day, we saw all 200 or so soldiers, completely focused and still...and they stayed there for over an hour. The drill sergeants were close, and I assumed hawkishly monitoring their discipline for no movement. Some parents got really close and took photos...like at a wax museum! One soldier made a twitch, and once the parents left, the drill sergeant swooped in and gave them a stern talking-to.
We heard a short presentation...and then the soldiers were dismissed. The first hug could not come fast enough...
...and was a fitting bookend to when we last saw each other 5 months earlier:
It was so great to have the family together again, and the smiles seemed genuine all around
I couldn't wait to take some photos of him with places that mattered to him so we took pictures of....
His company and platoon flags:
Him and his mother outside the Military Police Museum:
...and in front of the steps leading up to his barracks he spent 20 weeks living in. These steps are where his bus dropped him off at the beginning of Basic Training, and where, he said, "this is where I I heard my drill sergeant's voice for the first time".
After we dropped him off at battalion headquarters, we did get a quick shot of him and some fellow soldiers just before their last night of cleaning and (as we learned later) very little sleep ... kind of a end of training hang out.
Graduation Day
The next morning was graduation ceremony. Full of emotion. The videos, the speeches, but especially the cadences they chant as they march. Some were fun, "Proud Mary", but some were super sad and thought provoking, "Jonny" - where a soldier performs admirably, ends up jumping onto a grenade to save his fellow soldiers, who later we learn had a new child he never knew.
2nd Platoon marched up, and each soldier shouted their name and home town: Our soldier makes us so proud!!!
At the end, the master drill sergeant shouted, "COMPANY",
response: "YES DRILL SERGEANT!"
"DISMISSED"
...and that was it. 20 weeks of the hardest, fiercest, best, worst, most memorable experience he's ever had ... over with a simple dismissal.
We did get a shot with his favorite drill sergeant. From a Dad's perspective, I couldn't have asked for anyone better...he wasn't even the platoon's drill sergeant, but was one that understood my son...looked past his initial quiet demeanor and saw the quality-soldier he could be.
With a final family photo, we were finally able to take our soldier home to his next adventure
...we did capture a few photos of friends he made
And some reminders...like the 5 days he spend in the fields being a gunner on top of a HUMVEE just like this:
In the end, our family is together again
Our grown and growing kids:
and our amazing, can't believe our awesome family
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Impact
...and what do I think of all this?
I am so proud of my son. He's accomplished and proven himself (to others, and more importantly...to himself) more in these 20 weeks than most do in 20 years. He's had to pull himself out of failure and into success in such visceral ways that no matter what happens in his future he can look back and say, "Oh, yeah, this is nothing like that time in Basic".
He is the finest example of a respectful, smart, capable young man I can find. He is part of a brotherhood that takes him farther, makes him better, pushes him harder, demands his best, offers respect and demands respect ... and creates a bond between humans that most of us can't even comprehend.
I truly wish every young man and woman in this country would partake in this training. Not that everyone needs to be a soldier, but just imagine if everyone learned how to do more than they thought they could, learned discipline, grit, respect, honor, how to be humble...even with...or especially with lethal skills, and how to work with all walks of life, culture, economic background to work as a team and accomplish a mission for the greater good.
Thank you, 787th Military Police Battalion Delta Company...for protecting, training, breaking, building, improving, and giving my son clarity, commitment, confidence, and a sense of belonging he'll have his whole life.
