Sand Dollars, Brothers, and Memories

It started with one of my daughters saying, "Ya, Uncle David found them!"

"Where!?!", I yelped as I jumped from my afternoon slumber on the beach. She pointed in the general direction and I started running...you know, that run that makes you think you look like Magnum PI running into the surf, but really makes you look like Ronald McDonald sloshing through a McFlurry. I was on a mission that started in 1984, resurfaced once or twice a year when I happened to wade into an ocean, and was determined to conclude this very day!

What mission?

To finally catch up (even briefly) to my brothers unreachable 'cool'.

You might think that after living with a brother for nearly 43 years that I'd get used to his 'cool'...and that it came from some unknown, mysterious well bubbling up 'cool' through his easy-to-tan pores...so it would be impossible to catch up to it.

Well, you'd be wrong.

I know where his 'cool', came from.

Mazatlan.

Yep, and not from some rare vanilla bean that we're not supposed to eat while south of the border, but he did anyway, and after a weekend of hallucination and fever came out of it with feathered hair, friends as far as the eye could see, and a mean pickup basketball game.

No. His Mazatlanian "cool" was bestowed upon him when he was taught by an old local to...hunt for sand dollars.

That's right, sand dollars.

I remember it clearly: I was sitting in the sand making my really neato 'mighty-mouse' sand castle (complete with 'go speed racer' moat), and my brother (glowing from his just completed sand-dollar-apprenticeship) walks up with a tube-sock-full of recently living sand dollars. He said this guy taught him how to hunt for them...that you wade out to your shoulders, sift your feet around, feel a prickly circular item, dive down and receive your bounty.

I was in awe...he was so COOL! In a flash of excitement to prove my own "cool", I rushed out until the waves lapped my shoulders...sifted sand with my feet...and...

Nothing.

I tried the rest of the week, and...

Nothing.

We flew home. 2 years later we went to Hawaii, and I secretly waded out to my shoulders, sifted feet...and...

...screamed like a little school girl.

I learned that sand dollars are not the only thing that live just under the sand. So do sting-rays, and other slimy-goopy things that really should not live near a beach.

Editors note: I suppose this could be a "how to live your life" axiom: Your mission in life will be fraught with slimy-goopy things...whether you proceed or not will tell the world what kind of person you are: A "little-school-girl-screamer" or ... well... "Cool".

I was not Cool. That incident ruined my mission for quite some time.

Years later, as I traveled the world for work, and went on beach vacations with my own family, I occasionally resumed my mission...Miami, Myrtle Beach, Daytona Beach, Sea of Cortez, Mediterranean, Mexican Atlantic, Sydney, Mississippi River (hey, ya never know), Singapore...

...Nothing.

Then one day (meaning yesterday), the mission came to a head...with the announcement from a REAL little-school-girl that sand-dollars were out there to be found.

I ran out until the waves lapped my shoulders...

...sifted my feet around

...felt a fuzzy circular item

...pulled it up

...and screamed (yep, like a little-school-girl), "I FOUND ONE!"

A real, live, honest-to-goodness sand dollar.

I did it. An unexplainable rush came over me...until I look around and it seemed everyone was pulling them up (including my 2 little-school-girls).

Did I succeed in even temporarily approaching my brothers' "Cool"?  Hard to say. It only took 28 years to accomplish this mission...including several incidents of little-school-girl-screamitis...repeatedly; AND I wasn't manly enough to capture them, instead honoring the resort's catch and release rule. But, I DID accomplish the mission, so maybe I came close.

Oh, and my wife just reminded me that I can play a mean guitar...so maybe I didn't have anything to prove in the first place.

PS: Later that day, the afore-mentioned Uncle David pulled up a star-fish...and didn't scream like a little school-girl, and proceeded to show it off to the whole beach.

Now THAT'S cool!

Mr. Happy Goes To The Hospital

Once upon a time there lived a young man. To his friends and family he was known as Mr. Happy.

Say hello, Mr. Happy!

One day, Mr. Happy was not so happy. His belly was sad, and that made Mr. Happy sad.

Well...sort of. You see, even when Mr. Happy's belly was sad, and he was sitting in Urology with an IV stuck in his arm from his blood work and CT scan to find out why his belly was sad, Mr. Happy was, well, Happy.

To Mr. Happy, there was nothing happier than an exciting adventure filled with new experiences...like nearly being swallowed by a large transformer and narrowly escaping! (at least that's what the CT scan was to the imagination of Mr. Happy)

The diagnosis? Mr. Happy's appendix was very, very sad. So sad that Li'l Appendix wanted to move away. Li'l Appendix had heard stories of a magical place where others like him could gather and have fun, and Li'l Appendix wanted that kind of experience.

However, Li'l Appendix was very attached to Mr. Happy. Li'l Appendix needed to stage a grand escape with a little help from Mr. Scalpel. But how to get Mr. Scalpel's attention? In the only way he knew how, by performing the "Grinch-heart"...growing 3x its normal size.

...and it worked!!!

Mr. Happy was quickly admitted and scheduled for a same-day surgery.

Even in the hospital bed, Mr. Happy was happy.

Mr. Happy was happy about the cozy electric bed, the warm blankets, the personal TV (complete with remote control that had a built-in speaker), and most of all, room service. He was very happy about being able to order anything he wanted.

Soon enough, the nurses and doctors were ready. It was time for Mr. Happy's surgery...and time for Li'l Appendix to stage his grand escape!

Wave goodbye, Mr. Happy!

Good job.

Mr. Happy had fun rolling down the hallway! Later, Mr. Happy would tell of how the nurses talked about how the carpet near the surgical rooms made it hard to roll the beds. That made Mr. Happy smile.

It should be noted, dear reader, that just before surgery, Mr. Happy was given some happy drugs to make anyone feel happy. Now, because Mr. Happy was normally happy, the happy drugs made Mr. Happy very, very, VERY happy.

Mr. Happy must be reminded in the future that only in very special cases are happy drugs acceptable.

After one hour, Mr. Happy was back.

Success!!

Mr. Happy's belly felt happy again. AND, Li'l Appendix was free!

Here is Li'l Appendix rejoicing:

Mr. Happy spent the night with personal assistants, room service, and an automatic foot massager that pulsed happiness all night.

Mr. Happy was very happy.

The next day it was time to leave. Mr. Happy dressed, was rolled down the hallway like royalty, and awaited his adventure beyond the elevator.

Whatever awaited beyond the elevator, Mr. Happy could be sure that it would be filled with big doses of love, laughter, and, of course...happiness.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What's that, you ask? Whatever happened to Li'l Appendix?

He did escape! He hitched a ride in the back of a pick-up and traveled all the way south of the border. Once there, he met up with Li'l Ms. Tonselita, and enjoyed a beach party with others like them:

Together they lived the rest of their days enjoying a grand adventure beach-combing, dancing the salsa, queso diving, and sharing happiness with their friends.

 

THE END

God Moment #23: Up With People - May 2, 1990

Have you ever had moments in your life where you think, "W

ow, what a coincidence!"? I sure have. Sometimes, though, I look back on the experience and the o

nly conclusion I can come to is that God chose that specific moment to show himself to me.

Here's God Moment #23...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I had just received my first F.

It was a big test in my 'Unix Programming' class towards the end of my 3rd year of university (To this day when I hear 'semiphore', 'symbolic link', or 'mutex' I break out in a cold sweat). I hated that class, but that wasn't why I got my bad test score.

I was burnt out.

For three years I had taken 16-20 credits per quarter, while working 16-32 hours a week at Dayton's. I loved that job: I spent hours at a time unloading trucks for a department store. My co-workers were great, hours were great, money was great, and it was highly physical...a well needed stress relief from classes.

But the pace was taking it's toll. More concerning, I was feeling stagnant in how my life was unfolding and what kind of impact I was having. I saw a well-worn (read: boring) pattern starting to unfold as to how my life would proceed, and I was not happy with what I was seeing.

That's when it happened...I remember as clearly as it was yesterday:

I was walking away from the Computer Science building after receiving that test score. It was bright and sunny out, but I was chilled...my mind was swirling with what the future held. In desperation I prayed, "God, I need something to change in my life. Please help me." (note: Don't EVER pray this unless you're serious about it)

35 minutes later I reached my dorm room (Centennial Hall...single occupancy dorm room...awesome digs). I was quite blue and dragged myself to the 3rd floor...feeling lost and defeated.

I opened the dorm door...

...and the phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Hi. I'm calling for Greg Hintermeister? I got this number after calling your parents home."

"Yes, this is Greg", I said abruptly. I almost hung up thinking it was telemarketing.

"Hi. This is Up With People. If you recall, you auditioned over a year ago?"

Of course I remembered. My girlfriend, now wife, attended the show at Northrop Auditorium, and stayed after to be interviewed. I had been accepted, and thought I might travel after graduating. But after a year, the excitement had faded and I really had no intention to travel. After all, once I graduated, I would have job offers from well-paying tech companies and a whole year 'playing and traveling' would make any programming skills quite rusty.

"Yeah, I remember", I replied.

"Well, we are in need of musicians, and we are wondering if you would like to travel with us this coming year?"

...silence...

"We realize it is short notice, and you only have two months to raise the 12K required. Since we need your particular guitar skills, we are willing to give you a $3,000 scholarship"

...silence...with a big 'ol smile...

"Up With People plans on traveling all over the world, and you will have an adventure beyond your wildest expectations"

My response?

"YEEEE HAWWW!!  I ACCEPT!!!"  

...or maybe it was something a bit more professional...

"OK! Great. Well, we will mail you a packet on how to raise money, what to pack, when to arrive in Tucson, the guitar charts to practice with, and potential tour locations. See you in July!"

Just like that my life trajectory changed forever.

I'm not sure what exactly happened next, but my dorm speakers (2 3'x3' concert-grade speakers) were thumping celebration music (Prince's "Trust", if I recall) loud enough that when my friend opened the door to see what was wrong, he saw me doing an 'animal house' dance move on the floor as it was the only way the excitement I felt wouldn't physically burst through my chest.

"Dude, what's up? Hey! GREG!!!"

I looked up, stood and paused the music, straightened my shirt, and said (with accompanying fist-pump):

"I'M GOING TO TRAVEL THE WORLD!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It wasn't until a month later I remembered the prayer from earlier that morning.

This was God Moment #23: When God showed me he was real, he cared, and he loved me by giving me a year experiencing the world through Up With People...when I most needed it...and least expected it.

Now looking back, that year in Up With People impacted my life in so many ways. It gave me a travel bug, a thirst for adventure, a curiosity to try new things (food, experiences, points of view), a world wide perspective, and it gave me life-long friends.

And, it turns out that my UWP experience was more important than my coding skills in landing my first...and only...post-degree job (IBM).

Oh, and most of all, this moment set in stone my faith in a living, loving God.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Have you had any God Moments in your life?

The Dead Sea iScrolls

When I come across the same topic over and over, I know it’s not coincidence…it’s a higher power urging me to write it down. Forgive me…and special thanks to Henry, Becky, and Mark for being sources of inspiration…I blame you as much as anyone.

The Gospel of Henry

Chapter 3
And then the scholar approached and proclaimed, “Teacher, I am hoping I have an iPhone in heaven....it sure will make eternity whiz by”.

A hush fell over the temple as the Pharisees and tax collectors awaited with bated breath for the teacher’s response. Would the implication of ‘boredom’ in the “house with many rooms” result in a thunderbolt deepening the scholar’s already red hair? Or maybe a remote wipe of all phone data?

“Of course there will be, my son”, said the Teacher with a wide smile. “…and the one in Heaven will run Flash!”

The disciples chuckled, but gasps spread quickly across the grumbling Pharisees and religious rulers. The Teacher chose not to pay attention…instead bending down and gesturing onto the responsive touch screen, fully engaged in the casual game-play of throwing exploding birds at pigs. But grumblings grew more and more intense. “Mine already runs Flash”, one said. “His doesn’t even run full multi-tasking”, said another.

Finally, out of the corner, tracing an apple-shaped logo over her Android, a faithful follower of the Teacher whispered to herself, “I hope we are not partitioned…between the sheep and the goats…between iPhone and Droid”.

“It doesn't look good, Becky”, replied the Teacher. Becky was surprised that the Teacher could hear her whisper while simultaneously attaining level 37.

“The scriptures clearly say”, as he rolled out the scrolls… 

Becky hung her head in despair. “Then am I doomed? I hoped to have redeemed myself by having an iMac and an iPad.”

“Of course! Why didn’t you say so!”, said the Teacher. “Your redemption is clearly stated in Haggai 2:34, which talks of the ‘2/3’ rule”…

Convinced at the Teacher’s knowledge of the scriptures, and frankly surprised at how technically prophetic Haggai was…

…all who had white ear buds to hear

…all who had augmented reality apps to see

…and all who had FaceTime to tell loved ones the good news…

Believed.

Thus endeth the Gospel of Henry.