"Don't Look Back" - Song Insight

Urgency.   Love.   Exploration.   Adventure.   Regret.   Yearning.

"Don't Look Back" is an important song for me. Yet, for years I assumed it was lost, and while I thought I had something spectacular, I had never captured a recording of it, so the only thing left was fragments of muscle memory playing bits and pieces of the simple riff you hear at the beginning.

Take a listen:

In a way, losing my grasp on this song was an allegory of me losing my grasp on my dreams of composing music for a living. Sure I've composed dozens of songs and soundtracks over the years, had some success and am quite proud of what I created, but lets be clear:

Choosing a career in tech was not the dream.

Then, last year in 2018, I became nostalgic and wanted to "re master" a number of earlier songs I wrote and recorded between 1986 and 1991. At that time, these were the songs that were certainly going to launch my music career:

I had been in high school bands, and played off-and-on during college. But after my 3rd year of school I toured for a year with Up With People, learned a ton, got a whole lot better, and when I came home, I was ON FIRE to make it in music (if not as a touring musician, as a songwriter).

I had written a bunch of new songs and sent them out to record companies.

Most never responded.

Some did, and one in particular gave me a great critique in the middle of the "no thanks" letter. Soon after I was offered a tech job, and now I'm 28 years into that career.

But this song. This song was special to me, and captured the energy I was looking for. And while it was lost for years, now it's found. 

I found it at the end of my old 4-track masters. Never labeled, never properly archived. It was like discovering a long-lost precious gem. This song is important to me because it captures what I was looking forward to, my urgency to get into music, the love of adventure…

…and it very nearly was never to be heard.

I composed the verse and chorus in 1987, I didn't remember recording any of it. It wasn't until my recent "re mastering" work did I discover the completely recorded version from 1991, except the vocals. What I completely forgot was not only did I record the MIDI tracks in 1987 before I graduated high school, but that when I returned from Up with People in 1991, I composed the rest of the song (the bridge and ending), and finally recorded the instrumentation (including guitar) onto my 4-Track cassette recorder.

Then, in 1992, I started my job, and forgot about it. Actually, that's not true. A couple times a year I would play the riff, think about my decision of tech vs. music, and move on.

Well, now with updated technology, I was able to remaster the 4-track recording and put it into Logic Pro, and finally finish the song.

However, I couldn't find the lyrics. I can still picture a torn-away page from a spiral notebook with lyrics to this song, but no memory of the verses…just fragments of the chorus.

But as I said, this is an important song for me, and it was important to complete this song and release it. I started singing / humming to the song, and every time through, a bit of memory was uncovered, reconstructing the choruses (and eventually the pre-choruses).

I could never remember the verse lyrics, nor the melody, so I just re-wrote them.

In the end, this is a multi-decade layered song. Here's what you hear:

1987: Composed verses and chorus

1987: Recorded the drums, base, synth, and piano onto my MIDI sequencer

1991: Composed the full song (ending, b-section, …)

1991: Recorded the full instrumentation (including guitars) onto 4-track cassette recorder

….

2019: Remastered instruments, wrote new lyrics for verses, recorded vocals, published

~~~~~~~

Now that I listen to it, I love it. The song captures the urgency I felt, and to this day constantly feel, to keep moving, to experience new things, and how much I want the love of my life by my side for the entire ride.

I hope you enjoy it.

Greg. November 29, 2019.

P.S. The love of my life from the song in 1987? It's the same love of my life that's been by my side every day since, and continues to ride by my side, her hand wrapped in mine, as we chase our dreams.  Love you, Lady.


~~~~~~  Lyrics   ~~~~

Verse:

It’s time to break away

There’s no way I can stay

it’s my life at stake

I hear it call to me

a world of “what could be”

Out where I was meant to be

Bridge:

And I’m never going back

No more time for yesterday

But I need you by my side

To feel alive!

CHORUS:

and I say that we ride, into the summer night

Across the great divide, your hand wrapped in mine

We’ll be free to chase our dreams until the end of time

And baby always remember, yeah baby don’t look back

Don’t look back           just keep your heart a dreamin’

Don’t look back          just keep your faith and don’t look back,

don’t look back, don’t look back on yesterday

Verse

Ooooh, it’s been so hard

Paralyzed by what “could have been”

To you, I promise this

whatever time we have left

I will give you my best

Bridge:

And we’re never going back

No more worry or regrets

And with you by my side

We’ll feel alive!

CHORUS:

and I say that we ride, into the summer night

Across the great divide, your hand wrapped in mine

We’ll be free to chase our dreams until the end of time

And baby always remember, yeah baby don’t look back

Don’t look back           our future’s what we’ll make it

Don’t look back          just keep your faith and don’t look back,

don’t look back, don’t look back on yesterday

Bridge:

And we’re never going back

No more time to second guess

with you my heart is full

And ready to ride!

CHORUS:

and I say that we ride, into the summer night

Across the great divide, your hand wrapped in mine

We’ll be free to chase our dreams until the end of time

And baby always remember, yeah baby don’t look back

Don’t look back           our future’s all we need and

Don’t look back          just keep your faith and don’t look back,

don’t look back, don’t look back on yesterday

We'll Take It From Here

For nearly 18 years my wife and I have raised twin girls (two of our four kids...with boys on either side).  Most of that journey has been us trying to make the best decisions we could for them so that they would thrive and become competent, productive, and kind adults.

While I can't pinpoint the date, at some point in the past year it changed from guiding and making decisions to watching and giving advice.

...from "What should we do?" to "We'll take it from here"

...and that's a wonderful feeling.

This photo of them during our Christmas getaway at my brother's cabin, to me, reflects that reality. They are in front, forging their own path, independent, yet close enough to each other for support.

One is certain and sure and is headed straight to her target.

The other is exploring which path to take....which will be most fulfilling and satisfying.

I love that.

Of course we will give observations, facts, multiple points of view, but in the end, this is their journey...one they have already accepted and "own".

I love them to pieces, and I can't wait to see which path each decides to embark on...and I won't have to wait long...they decide in just a few months!

Whatever they decide, they know we will support them and cheer them on...but they also know it's not going to be perfect. There will be pain, troubles, fear, doubt, and sadness. But then, that's true about everything in life.  Those moments of hardship help them learn, improve, and make their eventual triumphs even that much more rewarding (I should remember that myself)

...and while they are finding their own path, in a way they'll be out there together...I'm so grateful they have each other to lean on while they are out there in the wild.

Here's to 2019...a year of amazing changes and adventures for us all.

A Coach, An Athlete, And The Temporary Team

My daughter just killed it at her Regionals gymnastics meet. This was the best-of-the-best across region 4 for XCEL gymnastics division, Diamond level (7 states including Minnesota, Wisconsin, Iowa, North Dakota, South Dakota, Missouri, Nebraska).

She won 4th all-around, with a super awesome 1st on Floor with a 9.7, 2nd on beam with a 9.45, and a 4th on bars with a 9.025.

But that's not all that impressed me that day…

~~~~~~~~

It started with a coach.

A coach my daughter had never met.

…and a team that, at least for a single meet, included my daughter as one of their own.

My daughter qualified for regionals, and ended up being the only athlete from her team to compete. She was placed with Twin City Twisters team for the rotation.

When they arrived at their first event, Vault, I watched in amazement as the TCT coach asked my daughter her name, then called his athletes over, introduced my daughter to them, and while I couldn't hear everything, I heard fragments that helped my daughter feel included, "in the know" for what to expect, and he even gave a rundown of the team's personality.

Then it was her turn to compete:

To my amazement, as she started, I heard a full barrage of, "Come on, Julia!", "You Got it, Julia!", and when she stuck her landing?  "Way to go, Julia!"

I was stunned.

Humbled.

Proud...of my daughter, her temporary team, and a coach that instilled a "we're in this journey together" quality into that team. Now, at that moment, I didn't know how this coach was in teaching gymnastics skills and performance, but I could tell through the behavior of these other young ladies on this team that he was an outstanding coach.

With all I see and experience with 'loners', 'competitors who focus on themselves', 'win with whatever it takes' in the world, instead I heard…

…team bonding - towards someone not on their team

… a coach who led by example, led by befriending a lone athlete and led by encouraging his team to do the same.

…and a lone athlete who, in turn, cheered on this team … as a temporary member

As a result?

She had a cheering section she started her beam:

...with more claps and cheers as she stuck her leaps and spins...

When she was done?

The lone athlete had a team to celebrate with after her 2nd place 9.45 beam score.

And for her last event, Floor, with her temporary team, she was encouraged, cheered on, and she started what would be her best score ever…

...with a team watching and cheering...

...encouraging her through her tumbling pass...

...shouting excitement at her leaps...

...clapping as she stuck her jumps...

...giving her just that extra confidence to push herself...

...to leap with extra bounce...

...and finish knowing she did the very best she could...maybe even a little better with all the support this temporary team gave her during the event.

When the score posted, and the athlete saw a 9.7, she doubled over in awe with her own awesome coaches...

Then celebrated with a member of her temporary team:  

(it's not lost on me that this particular team member had to care enough to watch my daughters performance, know her name, scan the score board, and once the score appeared, walk towards my daughter to help her celebrate...even though this team member still had her performance to prepare for)

 Finally, when it was all done, they even got to share the podium together:

In the end, my daughter had an outstanding experience at 2018 regionals, got a lot of well-deserved awards (including 1st on FLOOR!), and some great moments of team bonding with a temporary team coached by an outstanding coach.