Tuesday, December 7, 2010

2010-12-04: The New Standards

12-04-2010: The New Standards
Where: The Fitzgerald Theater, St. Paul MN
Went with: Wife, James, Lisa
Times: 2nd

I should title this, “I Want You To Want Me” because after hearing it the way The New Standards performs this song, its been in the forefront of my mind ever since.

Watch and listen:

The big surprise is how it’s forcing me to reflect on friendships…and my lack of them. But more on that later.

The show, our 2nd time seeing them, was even better this time. We were in the 2nd balcony but I love these seats because I could soak in all the action, colors, and musicians all at once.

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We even got to hear my favorite Suburbs song “Rattle My Bones” in a very cool style! IMG_1756

I went with the wife as well as our friends James and Lisa. Our evening started with an amazing dinner at Fuji-Ya complete with sushi, saki, weird mushrooms, and great conversation. The show was mesmerizing with special guests, and wonderful music.

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Reflections on “I Want You to Want Me”:
I’m starting to wonder if I’ve been shouting out these lyrics myself. Not for vanity (the motivation most people think is behind this song), but for validation…

…and protection

…and fear

Here’s what the song says…
I want you to want me
I need you to need me
I’d love you to love me

I’m begging you to beg me

Here’s what I hear:

I want you to want me, friend, but I’ll only respond 10% of the time. 90% of the time I’m quite happy alone or with my family. It’s that last 10% that hurts my heart. Will you wait around for me? I didn’t think so.

I need you to need me, church, so I can focus on ‘getting things done’ like being on stage, setup, teardown, tasks in general. That way I won’t have time to feel awkward and hear the deafening silence as I stand drinking my coffee and eating my sliced fruit waiting for someone to want to walk up and talk with me. Here’s my secret: It’s not dedication that makes me tune my guitar twice per morning…it’s to fill the time gap…to protect me from standing alone in the middle of a crowd with no one to talk to…and from fear that someone might actually want to walk up to me and talk.

I’d love you to love me as a close friend, but that scares the crap out of me. I am very uncomfortable making friendships…and keeping friendships alive (3 years on average…then something happens: moving away, drifting apart, …). If I could just magically make you love me as a close friend, that’d be great (impossible, I know).

I’m begging you to beg me to accomplish some task that you think only I can do. I may be too busy for it, but then you’ll say those five words I love to hear, “We need to clone you”. No emotional investment required, but still feel validated as a contributing member of the relationship…at a safe distance.

So…quite a night. Not a fun, happy trip to Margaritaville, but a memorable experience none the less. Maybe I’ll learn a thing or two.

Who am I kidding.

I think my guitar needs tuning.

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Read other robot concert thoughts

2 comments:

  1. Enjoyed the post -- I wonder how many people standing around at CW feel this way... I'm going to guess pretty high numbers. I count myself in that number.

    Not to mention all the truth about friendships -- gah --

    ReplyDelete

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