Thursday, February 14, 2013

The HINTER Marriage - Communication


Communication is key to any good marriage. Here is an example of how amazing HINTER marriage communication is:

HER: 
Look at our boy. He's now 4 and its time for the priceless memory of bringing him in for his first haircut. I can't wait to spend a beautiful afternoon every 6 weeks taking him to a well-trained stylist and bonding with my boy during this special time.

ME: 
Look at our oldest boy. He's now 4 and needs a haircut. Sure, I'll tag along. Sheesh thats spendy. Hmm. The haircut lady is taking clippers out. Looks like she's putting them away.

Wait, what? THAT'S IT?!?

I could do that! Plus, it'll save us like $14 a month with a mere $20 clipper investment. Sweet! I bet the missus will love me even more with the money we'll save.

----- Later that day ----

ME: 
"Honey, look what I bought! I know you're so excited! What? Yep, I'm gonna cut his hair myself."

"I don't know yet, but I'm sure YouTube has 'how to' videos. Just think of the money we'll save that we can put towards our savings (towards my next guitar).

HER: 
What the ---- ? My bonding time with my boy is gone. And my regular Caribou coffee "me and son" time is gone…

Well, at least the Robot is cutting the hair...there's nothing I hate more than cutting hair.

ME: 
This is EASY!

You know, I should tell my haircut lady to use clippers. I hate explaining "Fingers width on the side, above the ears, blah blah blah". Next time I'm going to go in and say, "7 on top, 3 on sides, 5 in the middle to blend"

(after haircut lady)

NICE! That is soooo consistent!

WAIT A MINUTE: if it's so easy, I could change my haircut lady to be THE MISSUS! She'll love it, and I'll love it.

Imagine; dedicated time with my wife running her fingers through my hair, saving $14 every 6 weeks, and saving for the future (guitar) ...what could be better?

HER: 
(to herself) ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!? The last thing I want to do is stand barefoot in a pile of greying hair. Well, I guess I do stil love this person (for now) and I'll do it just this one time to appease him.

----- 4 years later -----

ME: 
"Honey, time for my hair cut", I'm so excited...a highlight of the month

HER: 
Crap. How much do I hate this...let me count the ways:
- I stand in hair
- I get itchy micro-Greg-hair down my sleeve. ARG!
- Using his now-4-year-old clippers (that cheapo bought for $20 at FLEET FARM) are now dull. Now when I cut my sons and robots hair they wince in pain. I HATE THIS SO MUCH!!

ME: 
Hmmm (ouch), while I (ouch) love the value of this home-made haircut (ouch), I suppose it's time to purchase a replacement clippers (ouch), but (ouch), another $20 will dilute the per-hair-cut savings (ouch).

------ Later, one dark night in January -----

ME: 
Ah, home. A great time at Fleet Farm stocking up on supplies for my Castle.

(Meanwhile...)

HER: I'm sorry Jaxon (youngest), almost done
JAX: Owww!!!!
HER: Just a bit longer
JAX: ohkaaaay
HER: (this is very much the worst 10 minutes of my life)
JAX: I want to be dooone!
HER: Ok. Done. Go take a shower and we'll fix your hair later (now to clean up, and to tell my I-still-love-him-because-love-is-a-choice-but-I-SOOOO-don't-like-him-now husband that I'm done clipping hair)

ME: 
(walking in) "Good news! I have solved all our haircut problems... Here is a brand new $20 clippers from Fleet Farm. We can cut hair for another 4 years!! Isn't that great!?!"

HER: 
Stares at Greg (funneling the wrath of the demons of Aragon and the fury of the Sith through her eyes)

ME: 
Oh. I subtly sense the missus doesn't actually LIKE to give haircuts. Glad I caught it so soon. I guess I can pay for haircuts again. She should be so proud of me for catching on so quickly so the minute she feels a little distress, I can relieve her pain.

-- Later that night --

ME: 
(noticing the old dishwasher) You know, I bet the missus would appreciate teaching the kids to wash all the dishes by hand. We'd save money from needing a new dishwasher,  if we scrub by hand we probably wouldnt even need soap...and she'd have more time to think...and train her angelic kids the art of dish drying too. I can anticipate her needs so well.

What a great husband I am.

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