Saturday, April 12, 2014

Finding My Happy Place

I wrote most of this about six weeks ago and while it reflected what I was thinking at the time, I never finished it because of the mood it described. However, I thought it was worth posting because it documents an impactful moment…

I am sad far too often. Last night was great example. I slogged through the day, and by the time I got to church to practice for the Saturday night service, I was blue. I played the parts, but was not into it at all. Even during the service I just gave up and played basic rhythm parts while I was supposed to play lead. 

This morning I played around with my guitar parts and started having fun. Now, the way I have fun is to add parts that stand out and don't quite fit the song…usually because I like to play intricate parts that include transitions not following standard key signatures.

This morning, without even thinking about it, I started experimenting. Specifically, I added metal riffs and transitions to a slow worship song, "God With Us". It was fun, unexpected, and to some thought it sounded pretty cool and wanted me to do it in the service.

Then my wife says it…

"Na, He's just finding his happy place"

My happy place.

…it's now 3 weeks later now and I'm still resonating from that phrase.

Something about those three words broke down 15 years of "keeping a distance" with my church. Yes, I was dedicated to serve, but I was always guarded against being fully engaged. My wife knew it but couldn't put a word to it. Now she's responsible for helping me break this impasse. Just this morning we play the most impactful worship set we've played in years…

…it's partially the music itself, but it's mostly because I'm no longer distant…I've let down my guard and just let the experience unfold. I just hope it's not temporary because I really have found my happy place…

A place to be immersed in guitar and worship...

A place to play music with band-mates I love playing with...

A place to challenge myself with perfection-with-a-deadline...

A place I can support my wife while she does what she loves the most...singing to her Savior...

A place to lose myself and connect with my Savior...a too rare event...

A place to apply my skills to stuff that really matters...far beyond a corporate stock report…

What I really hope? That it's not just a real place but a place inside me that I can carry around so I can be immersive, challenged, supportive, worshipful, and happy anywhere I am.



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