Sunday, November 25, 2012

Official Rules for the "Real-Life Facebook Party"

So we're sitting in the green room in the back of our church auditorium between our opening worship set and our closing song, when we got into our weekly "deep talks". 

You know, the talks you have with fellow servants...about topics that can only surface after years of trust has been built...

Like how it would be REALLY COOL to have a real-life Facebook party!

No phones, no tablets or devices, only people, pens, and lots of sticky-backed paper.

After a short but intense brainstorming session, we carved out the basic tenants, and after updating the rules as much as I could, I think we've uncovered yet another universal truth that only the Church (or at least a worship band stuck in a little green room too long) can uncover. Here I give you the...

Official Rules for the Real-Life Facebook Party

When you arrive, walk through the door and put a green dot in the center of your shirt. This will let your 'friends' know you are available to talk. Of course during the evening if you get tired, fed-up, or you just want to harvest some carrots from the 5'x5' real organic corner garden without interruption, switch the green dot with a grey dot...this will inform your friends you are 'not available to chat'.

You will be given a stack of purple dots that say "Like". At any time, stick those purple dots onto people, pets, CDs, pictures, ...anything that gives you a smile.

Note: these dots firmly adhere onto what you 'like' thanks to the latest in adhesive technologies. If you decide to 'unlike' that thing, quickly rip the purple dot from that item and listen/watch as that item screams at the lost arm-hair. User research has found that this method of 'unliking' is very satisfying.

Your clothes are your wall. Your friends clothes are their wall. During your social conversations, if you want others to know what you are thinking, or have a funny quote simply use the provided post-it notes and a pen, write it down, and post it to their shirt (wall).

You have previously printed out a variety of photos from your week, past, vacation, etc. Carry multiple copies around and number them. These can be added to your shirt/wall or posted onto your friends wall.

If your friends like a post or photo on your wall, they can copy it (with your name on it of course), and add it to their wall. If others see it on your friends wall, they can copy it and share it...and so on.

Note: At the end of the night, the person with the highest shared content will win a prize

As you walk around and converse, you may use your voice, but you MUST use 3rd person to talk about yourself (an homage to the old days of Facebook where all status updates started with "Greg is..."). For example, you walk up to the bar:

"Greg is thirsty!", with a host response, 

"There are over 30 micro-brews that Greg might enjoy", followed with, 

"Greg enjoys Trois Pistoles", finishing with, 

"Greg loves this party!"

Or, you walk up to a girl you like:

"Greg thinks you're pretty cute but is not sure how to ask you to dance", followed by, 

"Karyn married you 19 years ago dear, you had me at 'Greg'", finishing with, 

"Greg loves Karyn"

While this may seem very odd at other parties, it will add authentic realism to a Facebook party.

You will be given a stack of "Request" badges with your name on them (drink coasters). If you see someone you do not know, you can request their friendship by giving them a request badge, and only if they return it to you can you strike up a conversation. Of course you are free to read their shirt/wall, but they may have privacy settings which will make them turn away from you.

They can return it to you at once or later once they get around to it. Or, you may find your request badge underneath their empty drink glass and then you will know you never really had a chance at being their friend.

Note: If you are reading the wall of a female, watch where you read...unlike the digital Facebook, this real-life Facebook comes with real-life cheek-slaps meant to course-correct those wandering eyes.

For fancy Facebook parties, hired wait staff can also double as 'Facebook Groups'. You can tag the wait staff with a label they wear on their hat such as, "PRS Guitars", or "Sushi Lovers", and anyone who wants to join the group drops a request badge onto their tray. Any time a member of the group posts to the group wall (their tuxedo vest), the wait staff must shout it out loud so all members of the group can hear.

In the corner is a small stage with a microphone. This is called the "Sponsor a Post" stage. With proper payment, you may stand on the stage and say most anything you like and all in attendance really have no option but to hear it.

Note: Proper payment depends on those in attendance. It may be a case of beer, a box of Pokemon cards, or my favorite, G strings (for my guitar of course...what were you thinking?!?)


Well, I think we've got a hit on our hands. A Real-Life Facebook Party. What do you think?

What would you add? Respond and I'll add to it and give the proper credit :-)

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