HINTER Rock Star School Final Exam

My oldest son has a passion for drums. Naturally we talked about going to music school.

Later that evening, my HINTER brain kicked in and thought about the classes he would want to take…what classes would truly prepare him for his future?  Then it came to me…the perfect class…and then I thought about what the final exam would be like...

...I give you…

The HINTER Rock Star Final Exam:

Question 035:

When the morning comes to start recording your third platnum-selling record, how do you prepare?

A) Sleep until 1pm

B) Sleep until 4pm

C) Sleep until 6pm

D) Sleep!?! Rock Stars don't sleep, we fall into an awesome-inspired coma and transport to an alternate universe where we are laser-gun-totin' space cops, saving the galaxy all day long…only to return pumped up on hero-filled adrenaline ready to rock!

Question 03:

When you shop for your stage costume, which store do you purchase from?

A) What're you talking about, I thrift hunt at Ragstock!

B) What're you talking about, I have my costume custom designed!

C) What're you talking about, I steal off the backyards of affluent communist conservative liberals!

D) What're you talking about, I play naked!

Question 65:

When you are playing your first arena gig, you notice the first few rows are filled with beautiful fans. What do you do?

A) Take the Blonde home

B) Take the Brunette home

C) Take the Redhead home

D) All of the above    (to teach them drumming skills and how to grow in their faith, of course! What else would a true rock star do!?!)

Question 035:

In your 8th week of back-to-back nightly gigs, your guitarist interrupts your drum solo 8 bars too early, ruining your catch-the-flaming-gong-mallet-with-your-teeth-while-double-kicking-32nd-notes-in-5/4-while-hi-hatting-duplets-in-7/8 finale.

What do you do?

A) Use your ejector-seat-equiped drum throne to launch yourself onto your future former-guitarist

B) Use your encore pyro rockets, alter their trajectory, and wait for the guitar-amp-on-fire extravaganza. Not only will you get back at your guitarist, he'll be legendary for playing so hard his amp blew up!

C) Remove the protective tip from your drum sticks-air gun, blow a dart filled with 'look-at-me-i'm-stupid' elixir at your guitarist, and watch the future YouTube clip go viral.

D) Smile. Because unlike your bandmates, you have a doctorate in physics, and in 37 seconds during HIS solo, you've engineered his guitar bridge to simultaneously snap all six strings if it hears a resonant frequency of 47 Hz, which happens to be the same frequency as your bass-drop floor tom  :-)  :-)

Question 30:

When you make your first 10 million, what do you spend it on?

A) A Ferrari

B) A Mansion with a series of tom-tom shaped hot tubs

C) Your Family's house - and by family you mean your puppy

D) Your puppy's rescue shelter - because any rock star that lasts needs to help those who helped him…and your puppy was there for you when nobody else was

~~~ END OF EXAM, Put your drum sticks away ~~~

Scoring:

If you answered "D" to these questions, YOU ARE A ROCK STAR!!! However, if you did not get them all correct, but can play the fret pattern identified in each question in one rockin' continuous riff, you are also a rock star!

Tip to Students:

Being a Rock Star really has nothing to do with how much money make, nor how many people you play in front of. Being a Rock Star has everything to do with what you make out of your life…your one, single, it's-all-possible-if-you-work-at-it, leave-no-advetnure-unturned, raise-a-puppy-at-least-once, precious, don't-waste-it, share-it, love-her-unconditionally, rock-till-you're-98 kind of life.

Dog Faith - King or Servant?

When I think about training my pup, the first thing I think is:

"I want my dog to be the best, most joyous dog she can be"

When I think about living my life, the first thing I think is:

"I want my life to be the best, most joyous life it can be"

I'm starting to think that the way I go about accomplishing the first has a lot to do with how I succeed accomplishing the second.

For example, if I train my pup by controlling her, planning every outcome, demanding a response and giving her a leash pop the instant she does not respond to a command just so my expectations are met, I am acting like I'm her King…demanding her respect I feel I'm entitled.

However, if I train my pup with patience, guiding her one small step at a time, praising her for what she does well, and think of her needs, fears, and strengths in advance to help her be the best she can be, I am acting more like a servant...and I end up with a richer, deeper relationship.

What method is better? I'm learning that serving her makes her a better, happier, and healthier pup. Sure if I "King" over her I'll get results, but I'm looking for more. Yes I want her well-trained, but I also want a much more rewarding relationship.

In a similar way, if I control my life (and those in my life) by planning every detail, demanding a response from those around me (or God) and reacting negatively until my expectations are met, I am living like a King of my own world…demanding the respect I feel I'm entitled.

However, if I serve those around me, help co-workers succeed, love friends, be patient with strangers, guiding and praising my kids strengths, thinking of my family's needs and fears to help them be the best they can be, I am living my life like a servant…and end up surrounded with gratitude and rich, deep relationships.

Its almost like the way I train my pup is a mirror reflecting how I'm really living my life, regardless of my outward appearance. It's easy to see what drives me (patience or impatience, loving or demanding, serving or controlling) when I'm "just" training a pup.

It makes it possible to ask myself if that's how I truly approach my life...

…is my first thought of the day how I can serve others, love them, and put their needs before mine? Even (or especially) in a business setting where it is not normal to have a servant's heart? Or, is my first thought of the day how I can control key areas of my life, put more personal energy into accomplishing a goal I can stamp my name on, and bristle when I don't get what I plan?

Maybe I should pay attention to this dog training…

…maybe we all should

What do you think?

Servants or Savages?

Few moments in my life are better than when I'm belting out a song on stage at the top of my lungs just after pulling off a great guitar solo. This happens regardless of the stage I'm on...including our church stage. It must be a common feeling since many recent worship songs seem to be designed so worship guys can wail their voices and guitars...pouring every ounce of energy from the stage into the audience.

The songs are fast, guitar-driven, and in a key optimal for someone like me; a guitar-playing tenor who loves riffing and singing high, loud, fast, and energetic. When the song is done, I feel invigorated because I've given all I have to help the audience enter into an immersive worship experience.

It's an awesome way to serve.

...Or is it?

While I think I'm a servant, am I really a savage?

Let me explain...

This struggle of servant/savage has been rattling around in my head for a couple years, and maybe I'm extra sensitive because I live with a true worship leader...my wife. For her, some of these awesome-songs-for-guy-rockers-to-sing are not invigorating at all...they're frustrating. Turns out that many of these songs are just too high to sing…and instead of being immersed in worship, many women are immersed in frustration.

I've noticed it too. When I'm in the audience and singing away happily, I sometimes stop, look around, and see many of the women are not singing. They're somewhat involved, but they could be immersed at such a deeper level.

The final straw for me was last week when I lead the student worship band. The group picked a song, I listened to the CD, liked it, and practiced. The result? Awkwardness. The female worship leader was very uncomfortable singing the chorus because it was just too high.

It didn't even occur to me to run through the song with my wife. Now, that's not surprising because of my well-documented lack of concern for most all other people, but for some reason being the cause of this awkward worship moment really bothers me.

I'd like to think I was just being naive.

But to be honest, I wonder if I was being something worse? Did I choose the song key because it was fun for me? Did it sit in a great range for my voice? Was I choosing the song not based on how it would help both men and women enter into deep worship, but because I'd have more fun performing it in that key? Or maybe because I'd sound/look better performing it?

Am I really a savage?

If I put my personal benefits above providing a song designed for women to worship through, how different is that from when women weren't allowed to worship at all…or were treated as property? Do I have a sense of privilege that because it's ME singing and preparing the songs that I'm entitled to do the song any way I please?

Am I actively (savagely) preventing women from deep worship solely because the melody is too high? By feeling entitled to play the song that's best for me, am I being selfish, arrogant, and disrespectful to the women in our church?

If I can convince myself that my song/key choice is not for my personal benefit, then am I putting too much weight on the entertainment value? When confronted with the opportunity to change keys of a song so it's singable by all, I instantly think one of these excuses:

• "Well, the artist wrote it like this" (the "artistic integrity" excuse)
• "Ya, but in that key it loses all its energy" (the "why make all suffer rather than half" excuse)
• "I just don't have time and the band doesn't know those chords very well" ( the "I'm really just lazy" excuse)
• "The song has such a big range, changing the key makes the verses too low for men" (the "I love this song even though it's not really a worship song" excuse)

I'm starting to wonder: If we as men are to love women like Jesus loved the church, wouldn't our primary purpose be to do whatever it takes to enable women enter into deep worship? Shouldn't we as male worship leaders be OK singing a song with a smackrel less energy so that woman can enter into deep worship, too? I know it's a sacrifice, but I think Jesus showed how far sacrifice could go, and He went a tad beyond singing a song in a lower key.

I'll be the first to admit that if we're attending a stadium concert, these songs are perfect. The purpose of a concert is to move the listener, entertain, and create memories. However, if we're in a church service, and the primary purpose is to enter into deep worship, then shouldn't the songs be in a key that is decent for both men and women? And if the songs have such a big range that they really can't be changed, maybe they're just horrible worship songs? Further, shouldn't we as songwriters be writing songs tailored to women singing? I know. It's hard. I've been writing songs for 27 years and it's always hard for me to pick a key that works great for my wife to sing.

One final thought...something intriguing…

…as I've re-keyed worship songs when my wife leads, it turns out that if a song is comfortable for an average woman to sing, men can sing it too.

I wonder…did God design our vocal chords knowing that if men wrote songs as a servant for woman to worship through, we'd at the same time be writing songs that we could all worship through? Is the offset of male/female vocal ranges specifically designed so that men would need to serve women in order for all of us to enter into deep worship together?

I wonder…

What do you think?

Dog Faith - Come When Called

Come When Called

As I train our pup, I'm trying to teach her that when I call, she should drop everything and run to me. To do that, I need to consistently reinforce that when I say "Orchid Come", she knows that regardless of what she's engaged in, I've got something better for her. When it happens, I think both of us are filled with joy because the more she comes when called, the tighter our bond becomes.

The problem is that while sometimes I've got a tasty treat that's better than the stick she's chewing or the ground she's sniffing, sometimes she'll be disappointed when she arrives. For example, if she's hot on the trail of a rodent, and she comes, when she arrives she may not think my treat was worth losing the rodent scent.

Harder is when she's eating rabbit (or dog) poo that could make her sick, she may respond and be disappointed in her choice. Worse, she may think at the time that the poo is better than what I have to offer, and may not respond. Even if she gets sick later on, she won't make the connection that it was the poo…that she made a bad choice…she's just not wired that way to realize her decision to not come caused her all that pain. 

Even harder, there will be times I won't even have a treat because my "Come" command is reacting to the car barreling down the street, and I'm protecting her from getting hit. Her running to me in that case is far better for her, but to her all she got was a scratch on the head with no treat at all!

What I'm learning is that sometimes pup will never know that what I have for her is better…that she'll be disappointed when she comes because from her perspective I've pulled her away from perceived fun...

…she'll never know what I have is better

…she'll never know that I want her life to be filled with abundance

…she'll never know that sometimes I will have literally saved her life

…she'll never know the bigger picture I can see…that what's best for her sometimes looks like a raw deal…sometimes looks like disappointment.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I wonder...

I wonder if this is anything close to how God and I interact? I wonder if He yearns for me to come to Him because He knows that whatever I'm engaged in, He's got something better for me?

I wonder if when I'm doing something I decide without regard to his will He calls for me because His way is better?

I wonder if when I'm doing something vile to Him that will make me sick, He says "Greg, Come" hoping I'll disengage from my sin long enough to listen, drop everything and run his way?

I wonder if when I do listen and "Come when called", and am disappointed in the loss of the perceived fun I was about to engage in, He simply hugs me and smiles knowing He saved me from great pain?

…and….

I wonder if God put dogs on this Earth to give yet another glimpse into how much He loves and actively cares for me?

I'm a Dog Person (Dammit)

From the time I was 3 and was toppled by my Grandpa's excited farm dog, I have not liked dogs. I did have a brief moment of insanity when I was 12 when I pontificated about the perfect dog…big enough to wrestle, but not too big…something like a collie but not the Lassie kind. Luckily, by the time I was 16 I came back to my senses that I just don't like dogs…or kids (they're really the same, aren't they?).

For  the next 27 years I happily stood by that statement. Don't like dogs and don't like kids. Sure I had my own kids along the way and to my surprise I actually do love them. But, I figured it was because they were my responsibility...or because they are like a parasitic organism; once they attach themselves to the host, the host becomes delusional and wants to make the parasites happy and comfortable. My evidence? Because every other kid (and dog) I ever saw annoyed me.

Then one day it happened.

I was betrayed.

First by my oldest son. He talked for nearly a year about how much he wanted a dog…how much the dog would make him happy, give him a constant companion, and other elements from his "How to emotionally blackmail your parents in 3 easy steps".

Second, and most surprising, … I was betrayed by my own self. I actually said out loud, "I could see getting a dog" (dammit). Why? WHY did that come out? Further, why didn't it bother me!?! 

Third, by my wife. Even if I was being mentally hijacked by my son, at least my wife, who I installed as a failover backup parental system, would cover my lapse in verbal filtering and we'd still be safe.

"Well, here are the parameters you should look for on www.findahinterdog.com", she said.

WHAT!?!

Ah well, I thought. Most of our kids were surprises, so why not a dog? I think we hoped this new animal would help our oldest with responsibility, companionship, and all the other therapeutic aspects a dog is supposed to have on a teenager.

On January 12, 2013, on my son's 16th birthday, Orchid arrived.

…

And then something absurd happened.

No, not absurd, but troubling, vile, evil

...

I started enjoying the pup.

A lot. (Dammit)

I found that training her to be a better pup made me smile and laugh harder than I have in a very long time.

I found deep joy when she crossed her paw across my foot while we watched TV.

I started being OK with holding her, letting her lick my hand, my arm, even my face!

I praised her when she went poo…IN MY YARD!!!

I looked forward to games of fetch where I could whip a ball as far as I could and she'd race after it...prancing back like she was "Queen of the Ball" (yes...I know...nice wordplay) and drop it in front of me (in exchange for a treat).

I thought nothing of holding liver treats...WET liver treats...from her slobber in one hand, clicker in the other, while training her.

Now, we have a near-daily regimen that involves: sit, stay (with distance and duration), wait, OK (her release command), lay down, come, shake, high five, high ten, drop it, leave it, walk (loose leash, off leash), go get it, return, put away, get your , jump (over me), roll over, and play dead.

Does she have them all in every circumstance? 

Not at all..and that's the fun part: We're both on a journey to see how far and deep this relationship can go, and training seems to be very enjoyable for both of us. I'm learning about other areas of my life as well because of this creature, and I'm sure I'll mention those over time.

~~~~~

Am I a dog person now? to be honest, I don't know…I might be (dammit).

But, I can tell you one thing:

I am definitely an Orchid person.