Dear China, Thanks For All The Food!!

Dear China,

Regardless of the recent debate we had in how to run a society of 1.3 billion friends, I have to tell you: You have some awesome food.

Not only that, but you should know that our relationship deepened because of two things: 1) The awesome food, and 2) that the awesome food was paid for by others. Nothing on God's green earth (can I say God in China? Only in state-sponsored churches? Well that's barbaric too...let's discuss that later over some cucumber juice and dumplings) makes food taste better than when it's paid for.

My main dining experiences were at the endless buffet at Le Royale Meridian hotel. I could choose from Chinese, Vietnamese, Japanese, and American. Although, the choices were so grand, I never even tried the american food

Here's my first breakfast:

Notice the sushi. For breakfast!! I loved you, China! Your international acceptance is an amazing thing. Another morning I had poached eggs, and one morning some sort of morning dumpling. Yumm-o. 

For my first lunch, I was in the middle of Shanghai and ventured into what seemed like a fast food Chinese place. I pointed at some meat dish, and iced tea. 

What I got was a Chinese noodle soup thing with lots of meat, a side of seaweed, and not iced tea, but hot tea...with what looked like dandelions as the ingredient. It was fantastic tasting!! Oh, and my 'slurpy bad manners' in America? Completely acceptable in Shanghai, and even looked as a sign of respect. Did you feel my respect with each slurp? I hope so.

For my other lunches, we had daily buffet at the hotel. That was ridiculously delicious.

Now China, I love your food, but when you offer Indian curry dishes in the same buffet along with your Chinese flair, and round it out with some dessert-fruit combo thing, it makes me want to hug something.

I had two outstanding dinners...both out on the town. Shanghai doesn't have a whole strip of restaurants, but are kinda tucked away...you really have to find them...as opposed to the massage parlors and pearl warehouses. What's with that?

The first dinner was in a restaurant hidden in a huge mall with my IBM China colleagues. They ordered for us, and it was fantastic! We had all kinds of dumplings, some salted fish, and chicken soup...with chicken necks and feet in there (OK, so while I had the soup, I did not partake in the solid contents...it reminded me of when my wife makes chicken stock...delicious liquid but crazy weird parts of the chicken). We ended the night with "Rose" ice-cream. Flowery and Weird.

The second dinner was an accident. We were told of this fancy-dancy restaurant and walked 30 minutes to it...only to find they don't take reservation and it would be 1.5 hour wait. We were too hungry to wait...so we walked to a place where the only English was the subtitle "Grandmas". Sounded inviting!

Here's how inviting:

Yes, it was large and cheap and refreshing. Much like you, China (was that crass? I'm sorry. Get used to it)

The menu had pictures with some English...I became adventurous and had the Cuddle Fish. (those crazy squid-like things that change into a rainbow of colors). And to be technical, I had BABY Cuddle Fish. Yes. Cry all you want...doesn't make them less tasty.

Just in case you wanted to see, here's a close-up of one. 

To be totally honest, there were some queazy moments when I realized they were not stuffed with cheese...but stuffed with Cuddle Fish innards (Mmmmm...not yum)

BUT, in the end, we had a delicious meal, and a fantastic night.

The final day I explored the city myself and walked through very traditional Chinese neighborhoods. As I walked through the 'old city', the pungent smells from the food vendors were very strong, and made me want to experiment, but was afraid. It's true, China, you are a mystery, and I did not want a living souvenir in my guts to bring home only to discover 3 months later. Although, the lines for the dumplings and 'everything that walks' on a stick were long, so obviously the Chinese tourists liked them.

In the end, I just decided to finish my walkabout in a coffee shop near my hotel. I ordered a latte, and sat down.

All of a sudden, I overheard someone say, "Yes, a Tiger on tap". 

WHAT!?! A COFFEE SHOP THAT DOUBLES AS A PUB!?!

Oh. My. How. Refreshing.

I decided at that point that my China adventure was done, and came back later for dinner to enjoy the pub, write a patent, and have probably my most satisfying meal:

Amazing. Not sure if it was how it was made, or just the fact that it was sooo familiar...down to the fries...but I have never been so satisfied with a meal than I was at that moment.

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China, thank you. your food has made me enjoy many of our memories together. 

Until next time...keep the dumplings warm, and thanks for all the Cuddle Fish!

Dear China, We Need To Talk

Dear China,

We just spent our first week together.

Now, I know you're supposed to be 'all that and a jelly sandwich', but before we continue our relationship, there are some things we need to discuss and get out in the open...some things I need to work on, and some things you need to work on.

Walking on the Bund

Can we talk? Does your silence convey agreement?

Okaaay, let's begin:

Don't Assume

Me: I shouldn't assume that you speak English. I know that now, and will work on learning enough Chinese to purchase food, find "el baño", and get back to my hotel. Although the hotel's 'tip sheet' was quite a nice backup.

You: Don't assume that because I'm an American, and walking by myself exploring your city, that I'm 'looking for massage' with 'sexy lady'  who is 'clean and treat you well'. To be frank, if you HAVE to clarify that she's 'clean', it probably means she isn't.

Don't Deny

Me: I won't deny that you are a force to be reckoned with. The technical insight I saw was quite impressive, and the people I worked with are quite smart. Your cities are growing and everybody seems to be working hard.

You: Don't deny me access to Facebook. Or YouTube. I know they didn't help that Libyan guy, but I find it really hard to believe that your culture is all that filled with unrest. My guess is that your citizens will find happiness in keeping in touch with their friends and colleagues from around the world, and laugh at all the 'cute kitten' videos they're missing.

Oh, and it didn't work anyway. A simple VPN account to a PC outside your country gave me unfettered (but admittedly slow) access to fill my Facebook needs.

Don't Limit

Me: I won't limit my customer interaction and co-worker networking to 'the west' and work to include my Chinese colleagues and their customers in my ideas, designs, and conversations. They are a fantastic bunch and are eager to work to make the world a better place.

You: Don't limit my Chinese colleagues to only have one child. How barbaric. When I talk of how my daughters train for gymnastics, and they assume a translation glitch and that I was really talking about my single daughter, it makes me sad. When I'm asked how old my child is, and I say I have 4, ranging from 8-15 years old, and they respond with "We are only allowed one", it makes me sad. Not only is it barbaric, but illogical. Yes, you have a lot of people, but your economy is awesome, and from what I can see, you still have lots of room to fill. Oh, and a tip: A man with the responsibility of providing for a large family is far more motivated to work hard and be responsible. You might be surprised at how your economy...and your overall quality of life...improves by just removing this legislation of stupidity. 

There. I feel much better. Do you? I hope so.

Why are you so quiet? Did I hurt your feelings? 

Wait, what? Why are you walking away? 

Well, I hope we can still be friends.

Until we next meet...

Salud!

I Hate You...I Love You

I Hate You...I Love You

Inner turmoil between a Hinter and his thoughts

I hate you...public bathroom Hand Dryer

I look at you with disgust. You represent all that is wrong with the world. I want my paper towel. With a paper towel I can receive instant gratification...one swipe...only damp. two swipes...dry. With this multi-purpose rectangular bastion of absorption, I can dry my hands, refresh my face, and, most importantly, open the exit door without actually touching the handle.

You? You 'save trees'. I've got plenty of trees on my land I'd gladly donate. Besides, what do you run on? Unicorn blood?

I hate you Hand Dryer

I shake my hands like a wet dog...knowing that whatever I shake away shortens the time I stand shivering while the initially cold air blows uselessly over my wet hands. I look left, then right...hoping I somehow missed the paper towel dispenser.

No. I must look straight ahead at the object of my derision. 

I hate you Hand Dryer

I consider exiting with wet hands. Surely my jeans will dry, but my default drying location most likely will result in damp dollar bills in my pocket. I could use the cuff of my jeans...they're mostly wet anyway from the sloppy snow. 

But then I remember the exit door handle. If my hands are wet, they'll pick up 45% more germs than if they are dry. Or will they? What if the germs are stuck in the viscosity of the water and then I wipe my hands on my pant cuff immediately after I leave? All germs would be gone from my hands! Ah, but then someone's icky-germs are now on my pant cuff all day.

I hate you Hand Dryer

I 'rub hands together vigorously' while scowling at your double-entendre-filled instructions. They're wet, and cold, and while the water seems to be evaporating, it's making my hands clammy. When will the torture end!?! 

And then...

...the heating coils finally kick in...

Warmth emerges from your gaping maw...it is not wrong.

My hands are no longer clammy...in an instant they warm up...they become dry...not just dry...almost a silky dry. 

I linger...no longer in a hurry. 

I playfully rearrange the instructions' wording in my brain. I snicker. My arm-sleeves need warmth, too. They are lapping at the warmth...enticing the warmth up the arms.

I do not resist...

The warmth continues to my chest...down the neckline of my shirt...I am completely bathed in warmth...completely at peace with the world...

...and then you stop. 

It seems you've made your point.

I stand back in utter conflict. These last moments of sheer bliss are not expected. The disdain beforehand has now turned into something else...a new-found emotion...no, it couldn't be...but it's true:

I Love You Hand Dryer!

No. I hate you. I must hate you. All the logic coursing through my brain requires I hate you.

But my heart...and the warmth...and the freezing car that I know awaits me...

I love you. I hate you. 

Until next we meet, Hand Dryer. 

Until next we meet.

The HINTERgarden: A Bountiful Harvest

At the beginning of the summer, the missus stated her desire to have a garden. If memory serves, it went something like this:

HER: Honey, I think we should build a garden

ME: But...that's why God invented Aldi

HER: Do't get smart. I want a garden with the following specifications:

  1. A decent sized plot tilled with rich soil

  2. A protective mechanism to protect the veggies from the animals

  3. Compost to add nutrients in the soil

  4. Organic seeds

  5. A bountiful harvest

ME: What do you want to harvest?

HER: Pumpkins. And tomatoes. And maybe some strawberries

ME (to self): Why is it every time I hear 'we should' it means 'I should'?

ME (to her): As you wish

----------

At summer's end, the dialog went something like this:

HER (to herself): I can't believe he didn't take the hint. What's with him?

HER (to me): I really wanted a garden. Maybe we can get it together next summer.

ME: But...it's done.

HER: Don't get smart.

ME: Come on! Let's harvest!

...we walk out...she slugs me in the arm...and walks back in.

ME: (to self) What's her problem? This garden meets or exceeds all design specifications!?! How can I figure out who is right? I KNOW, I will ask the Interweb to vote!

ME: (to you): Does this HINTERgarden meet the design specifications given at the beginning of the summer?   

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The HINTERgarden - 2011 Requirements and Results

To accurately vote, you must first study the dramatically impressive results with a scientific eye. Here is the expert garden:

Now, realizing some of you may not be as skilled in the art of advanced gardening and botany as I am, I will go into specifics (with layman closeups) to bring to light these amazing results.

1) A decent sized plot, tilled with rich soil

I have labored over this garden plot for nine years. Honestly! The first step was to add minerals and nutrients to it. And, what better way to do that than turn this into a rock quarry. I added limestone, lava rock, pea gravel, and basically any other icky-looking landscaping from when we moved in. I then let it sit for 4 years, knowing that only such dedication and patience would produce the kind of soil that is as rich in nutrients as my heart is filled with the deepest love for my wife.

In 2009, I exposed the soil, letting the sun and elements fuse the nutrients deep into the soil. Finally in 2010 I tilled the soil, and acting upon my ancestor from the year 1340 Rudolf Hintermeister and his practice of crop rotation...I let the soil sit for a year. Oh the anticipation!

2) A protective mechanism to protect the veggies from the animals

In an effort to garden in a Godly way (as I attempt all my activities in life), I crafted a "Hedge of Protection" around what would become our bountiful harvest. What better protection is there than nasty, pokey, itchy weeds! It was a perfect disguise not only to protect the veggies from animals, but also poachers. I figured as soon as my Garden to God became known in the public ether (as tweeted under #gardenofgod), great effort would be made to steal items from the garden in hopes of reproducing such magnificence. How foolish! Don't they know you can't fake Godliness!?! Losers.

3) Compost to add nutrients in the soil

"You...are...the compost of my life", is not only the title lyric of my future hit love song, it also reflects the feelings I have towards our compost pile. Where else can I walk through 90° heat and dump the sloppy remains of yesterday's salad into a splatter-producing, stink-generating, home-of-the-flies cube?  It is an intense experience not to be underrated.

The fact that I use my grandpa's pitchfork from his farm (probably early 50's era) to stir this concoction of wonderment is a testament not only to my dedication as a husband, father, and gardener, but also a statement of honoring my heritage of sharp and dangerous tools. 

4) Organic seeds

The seeds I used were not only organic, they came directly from our home. The pumpkins from last Halloween produced these pumpkins, the tomatoes came from old tomatoes that grew moldy on our counter, and the strawberries came from left-over fruit salad.

Further, the seeds were transported, by hand, and delicately placed into the garden by Garden Nymphs (OK, our two 10 year old girls kinda look like nymphs...and while it was just a chore to empty the slop into the compost pile, having them carry it over is far more delicate than our original transport idea: A deck-mounted slop cannon: simply fill the cannon with slop, fire in the general direction of the compost bin (100 feet away), and hope that at least some slop ended up in the compost. Hmm...must archive this idea for a future summer day project).

Finally, each organic seed was painstakingly placed into the garden at the optimum location for growth.  The fact that it looks like the veggies grew out of the compost pile haphazardly? SHEER COINCIDENCE! 

5) Bountiful Harvest

In keeping with the original gaelic meaning, I focused on "bountiful" to simply mean a large amount of output compared to a small amount of input (or is that the definition of a guitar amplifier?). Since the HINTERgarden required 0.045% of effort to produce six harvestable items (in addition to strawberries that while ripe, grew directly IN the compost, resulting in a small dry heave at the thought of eating them), I conclude this is INDEED a bountiful harvest!

Now is your chance for your voice to be heard! Comment below to state your opinion if the garden did, indeed fulfill all design requirements (correct and truthful), or if I deserve not only a slug in the arm, but an elbow in the gut (false and rather evil).

Vote now!

Song Insight: "Gonna Get High"

Composer: Greg Hintermeister, ©2011

Arranged: Greg Hintermeister

Performed by: Greg Hintermeister

Recorded: 2011 in Hint of Light Studios

Emotions: Passion, Love, Community, Magic of life!

Listen and Watch:              Other song insights

Background:

It all started with an inside joke referenced in a post, "Just got pics of my new guitar from my PRS Supplier".

It ended with a surprisingly passionate and uplifting song.

Here are the pics I posted:

I assumed everyone in my friends list knew that I joke regularly about my "addiction" to my guitars...that, for me, my passion for my guitars, and the music/worship/relationships that resulted from playing them are so core to my life that I can't imagine living without their influence (you know, small things like meeting my wife, traveling the world, life-long friends, leading others in worship, ...all directly resulted from playing guitar)

Naturally, since I found a guitar dealer who over the years I've grown to fully trust, and who helps me build an outstanding specimen (he seems to have a secret tunnel into the PRS factory, where he sets out the best wood and chooses the best builders), I can honestly say I have a supplier for my PRS guitars. This dealer, Jack Gretz, knows the kind of music I play so he offers suggestions as to what options and wood choices I should make to get the most out of my guitar.

I have purchased three PRS guitars from him: My PRS Hollowbody II, my PRS Swamp Ash Special, and now my PRS Tonare Grand acoustic (I have a fourth PRS, a Starla, that I won at the PRS Experience event in 2008).

Surprisingly, some comments in that original post made it clear not everyone was 'in' on the inside joke. I actually removed the post since I started to get some concerning comments about how I shouldn't take a scourge on society like drug addiction so lightly. 

My first thought?

Write a tounge-in-cheek song using all the drug-use metaphors I could think of about how I'm addicted to this new guitar (you know, lyrics about breathing deep, holding my breath, holding my addiction between my fingers, seeing places I've never been, and, of course throwing in the suggestive comment or two about gliding my fingers across a g-string).

What did I end up with?

A surprisingly passionate and uplifting song that I completely adore.

I think I found a way to communicate what I feel when I play guitar...a sense of wonder, passion, exploration, and excitement that fills every fibre in my being...especially when I'm playing a new, freshly written song.

I hope I can live up to these lyrics in songs to come. and I hope you get a glimpse into what it feels like for me to play my guitar.

Enjoy.

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Technical Specifics:

Recording Unit: Cakewalk MIDI software, Soundscape DAW

Drums: Roland XV-5080

Acoustic Guitar: Paul Reed Smith Tonare Grand Custom

Electric Guitar: Paul Reed Smith Hollowbody II

Guitar Amp: Fender Hot Rod Deluxe

Acoustic Guitar Mics: 12th fret: CAD E100, 3ft back: Rode NT1

Electric Guitar Mics: close: Shure SM57;  3ft back: Rode NT1

Keyboard pad: XV-5080

Bass: RD-500

Recording Specifics:

The first version, acoustic-only, was the first one I recorded so I could see how the guitar sounded on its own. Here's the acoustic-only YouTube video:

Once I recorded that, I felt there was a lot of un-tapped energy I could release if I added more instruments. The version at the top of this post is the full version with drums, bass, and electric guitar. I could have added even more vocal harmonies, guitar solos, but I think this is a great blend of instruments to squeegee out the passion I wanted to convey without making the song too hard-rock. I really wanted to keep the acoustic a driving instrument through the song.

The tuning of the guitars was unique:  C# - G# - C# - F# - A - C#      

However, this let me chord on the 3-5th strings with normal fingerings, yet have the 1, 2, 6 strings ring open for much of the song, which gave it the full acoustic sound I was looking for.

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Lyrics:

Verse 1:

Gonna breathe in

    breathe deep

Slowly let out my breath

Go places I've never been

Gonna find love

Gonna find pain

Gonna find there's a secret for livin' this life

and I'm holding it in my hand

Chorus:

Gonna get high

High on this guitar

Gonna dig deeper

Down to the depths of who we really are

We'll play songs of laughter and tears

we'll play songs to lovers and friends we hold dear

and who knows   what we'll find...  when we're high

Verse 2:

Gonna sing out

Gonna sing loud

Sing with all my breath

with feelings I can't speak out

Sing about faith

Sing about peace

Sing from the depths of my inner most dreams

I might even have to scream

Chorus:

Gonna get high

High on this guitar

Gonna dig deeper

Down to the depths of who we really are

Lets touch our soul through these strings

Let this wood carry our heart when it rings

'Cause who knows what we'll find...  when we're high

B:

Let's close our eyes

Verse 3:

Gonna breathe in

    breathe deep

Slowly let out my breath

See places I've never been

Gonna find truth

Gonna find grace

Gonna find we're all here for a reason tonight

Lets all raise our hands and say

Chorus:

We're gonna get high

High on this guitar

Gonna dig deeper

Down to the depths of who we really are

The thrill of a lifetime is here

It's you and it's me and what we believe

and Who knows   what we'll find...  when we're high

End:

Gonna get high

Gonna get high

Song Insight: "Christmas Morn"

Composer: Greg Hintermeister, ©1995

Arranged: Greg Hintermeister

Performed by: Greg Hintermeister

Recorded: 1995 in my home studio

Emotions: Fond memories, regret, hope

Listen:

Background:

I've received some amazing gifts on Christmas morn. I remember early Christmases when our family of four would sit around the tree, play music from an old reel-to-reel, and share the time opening presents one at at time. The best part was watching my mom's reaction after opening a gift from my dad...who knew exactly what unexpected gift to give that perfectly showed his love for her.

 

Here's an early shot my Mom took of us boys. Sometimes we'd have Christmas in our home, sometimes at Grandpa's farm, but we were always together. Sometimes we'd have our Christmas early since we were lucky enough to take some trips to Florida during the break.

Other Christmases were filled with pets. My dad grew up on a farm, so having a pet in the house was not his idea of fun (let alone 4 guinea pigs!)...and the smell was not a fond memory-maker I'm sure. But many Christmases included laying by the lights of the tree with my guinea pig, Snowball.

(I think he's excited about Christmas too! Oh, and look at the wallpaper in the background...loved that pattern!) My brother's had one named Tippy, who, we later learned, was NOT a male since a few weeks after we brought him home we had baby guinea pigs!

I remember sledding on Christmas morn. A lot. Sometimes it was on a hill near our home, and sometimes it was on a hill at the camp my uncle ran, but it was always with friends who was glad I was with them. I tell ya, there's nothing like feeling wanted as a kid.

This is one Christmas morn a few years ago when my kiddos went sledding (yep, on a sled that he got for Christmas.)

One Christmas in 1986 included spending time with a young lady I met over the summer.

This is from a party for our youth group. It was then I realized the glitter of a Christmas tree can't compare at all to the sparkle this girl added to my life.

Yep, I've received some amazing gifts on Christmas morn.

But as I look back, the only gifts I remember, the gifts that really meant something, weren't wrapped under the tree. Sure the presents under the tree added to the atmosphere, but the gifts I remember were far better:

• My whole family being together, focusing on each other
• Seeing my mom open a gift that my dad picked out...and seeing the love shown at that moment
• Pets, who love no matter what
• Exploring as a family on warm beaches
• Friends who actually wanted me to sled with them
• Sweet smells from the kitchen making the family know there's a mom in the house who loves everyone enough to bake and cook.
• A girl who added sparkle to my 17th Christmas morn and every day since
• Four children who continue to show me how magical life can be

...and then there's the most important gift I've received.

I hesitate because I don't know if I've treated this gift well. Sometimes I've left it outside while I went about my business. Sometimes I embraced it in private only to tuck it snugly inside my pocket while out with friends. Sometimes I misplaced it, sometimes it felt fake, and sometimes it seemed so out-of-date that I wondered if it's worth mentioning.

But, sometimes, I would pin this gift on my chest and share it proudly with all who were curious.

In the end, the gift I received when I was seven by asking my Savior, Jesus, to lead my life, has changed everything. This is the gift that makes all Christmas mornings magical.

Merry Christmas. I hope you receive some amazing gifts this year, too.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Technical Specifics:

Recording Unit: Recording Unit: Yamaha MT1X cassette 4-track Acoustic Guitar: Ovation 1712 Custom Balladeer

Acoustic Guitar Mics: Recorded directly into 4-track

Vocal Mic: Old Yamaha dynamic mic

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Recording Specifics:

I wrote and recorded this in 1995 in preparation for our first 'real' album release called "A Hint of Christmas"

Karyn and I sang Christmas carols together (a pure and joyful experience that we've let slip away in the chaos of life...need to get that back). One year we sang during intermission of "A Christmas Carol", and we kept hearing, "Where can I buy this music?". So the next year we decided to record a real album. We gathered the songs together in July (trips to the library), and we started arranging and recording the songs. Some we recorded in our home studio (like "Christmas Morn"), but others we recorded at RP Recording Studios, a local recording studio in town.

I loved that experience of recording in a real studio, especially when we got to use $2500 microphones! (someday I'll get the courage to talk about when I borrowed one of his $1000 mics, I set it up and recorded only to later discover that the mic was pointing the wrong direction!...still embarrassing to think about)

The album was the first for many things, including getting the rights to the songs, working with duplication companies, graphic artists to render what Karyn created (isn't it a cool cover!?!)

This song was fairly straight forward to record and was all done on my 4-track cassette recorder (hence the hiss in the background).

I am quite proud of this song, and frankly the whole Christmas album.

I think it's time to record another one for next Christmas.

Question: What are your favorite Christmas songs?

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Lyrics ©1995 Greg Hintermeister

Verse 1:

Last night I dreamed of Christmas Morn

The sun came through my window,   I was four

I knew when the light came I would be

playing with my two guinea pigs by that tree

Chorus:

And I............loved,  Christmas morn

And I wondered, who’s that present for

Verse 2:

That sun came through my window,  I was ten

thoughts filled with snow men, hayrides, and my new sled

I’d go so fast down that hill

I must confess, I was sure that I could fly

I waved to my mom and dad as I flew by

Chorus:

And I............loved,  Christmas morn

And I heard somewhere a little boy was born

Bridge:

I’d feel the sun on me like some one song to be sung

Every year the light would be there

Even when I didn’t care

My memories would play tricks on me

And I could see an echo of what used to be  beside that tree

Verse 3:

Last night I dreamed of Christmas morn

The Son came into my heart, for that, He was born

I know now that when I wake, Christmas morn t’will be

I’ll that light on my window

And I’ll believe

Chorus:

And I............love Christmas morn

I can’t wait until I wake to see the break of dawn

And I............love Christmas morn

And I’ll be there.....on Christmas morn