Where: Crosswinds Church, Rochester MN
Went with: Wife
Last night I went to see Shaun Groves.
I was quite impressed.
I didn't know many of his songs, but with just him and his guitar (and occasional piano), he created a great show that was mesmerizing, funny, and thought provoking. His guitar tuning (open C I learned) was fantastic and enabled his songs to fill the stage with just guitar and vocal. His banter and stories in between songs were funny, heart-felt, and even at times a bit sarcastic...which I loved! At one point he directly insulted the audience's ability to clap...(I think we learned to NOT insult your not-yet-paying audience on day 2 of performance school) ...but he pulled it off and it broke down another barrier so later when he had something serious to say, he had our full attention.
As a sign of great songwriting, he played a few of his new songs, and then on the way home we popped his new CD into the car and could instantly recognize the songs and even hum the melodies.
Very impressive and inspiring!
But when it was all done, I still left feeling sad.
Because throughout most of the show I was thinking, "I could have totally done this. What if I would have focused 100% on music all those years ago? This could totally have been my path...making a living at doing something that I completely love doing. Instead, it's merely a hobby and the majority of my time and effort is focused on working my 'day job' to fulfill my responsibilities to my family, mortgage, occupation."
What if I had just put all my effort into music...
...and then Shaun spoke of Compassion...and how he's traveled the world for God.
And I got even sadder...
...because my dream of 'making it' as a musician, while filled with some sort of faith-topic'd songs, did not involve trusting God for everything...even my thoughts above talked of 'my' focus...not depending on God for everything...for contacts, for 'breaks', for my daily bread. There was always some business plan involved, an action-item list, and a 'backup' plan in case it didn't work out...which is what I ended up with.
...and realizing I may be living my 'backup plan' for my life? even sadder.
...and realizing that when I travel it's not to further God's kingdom nor to learn from others about their huge faith in hopes to spread those inspiring stories through music like Shaun...but instead solely to make $$$ for a corporation? Yikes.
Turns out that what Shaun does I could not even remotely come close to.
Encouraging an audience to "Simplify your life so others can simply live"? Not a chance...at least not in my default mind-set.
At this point I'm tempted to list the logic that my brain is screaming to sooth my heart. The logic is solid and probably biblical...
...that I have an amazing wife and four awesome kids
...that raising these 4 young people into men and women who follow Jesus has got to be one of the most important jobs in the world
...that my 'day job' enables me to be the financial engine for others on the front line
...that through moving to this city for my 'day job' enabled me to put my musical skills to use at a local church for the past 14 years, which has (I hope) been fruitful for God.
...that I have no regrets...pulling one thread out can unravel the entire tapestry of my life (thanks Jean-Luc)
...but the thoughts of 'what if' still makes me sad.