Note: I wrote this at the end of our April 2012 Florida vacation. Since then additional data has shown we are most likely "in the clear"...but at the time, we did not know...
Three days before our beach vacation in Ft. Meyers, my wife had a follow-up ultrasound. They found something. They don't yet know what it is, but she goes in for a consult and a biopsy when we return.
It's probably nothing.
We hope it's nothing.
We pray it's nothing.
But what if it isn't?
With these thoughts swimming between our frontal lobes and the back of our minds, this week was surprisingly wonderful. Me and her had a more focused, intentional, and loving week than we've had in a long time. We were so connected. Everything else fell away and became irrelevant. When one of us wanted to go for a walk, it was an assumed we would walk together. When one was getting low on water, the other filled it even before words were spoken. When one hand was opened, the other grasped it tight...and she's never looked more beautiful to me.
We're obviously praying that the biopsy comes back clear. We're also praying that we don't lose this sense of focus...this sense that we can't take any time we have together for granted. We've done so many great things together, and have been intentional at times, but most of the time life's fast current sweeps my best intentions away.
We could very well have over 50 years left together...but we might not.
Either way, I think it's time to declare what we will do with the time we have left:
... I will hold your hand, instead of my phone
... I will sit close to you, instead of the chair across the living room
... I will swim with you, instead of just wading in because the water is too cold
... I will take you on adventures both near and far...instead of waiting for 'the right time'
... I will celebrate your birthday and valentines day like its our first...or last
... I will study to become more like Jesus
... I will be more patient with our kids
... I will buy that car we dream of sooner rather than later
... I will listen, sometimes speak, and always love
... I will focus on what I love to do at work...because it puts me in a great mood for you when I get home...instead of trying to please everyone at work...and come home frustrated and impatient
... I will write and record songs for you to sing
... I will grill more often, instead of asking what's for dinner
... I will hold you close through whatever adventure is in front of us because you still make my heart flutter, my eyes sparkle, and my face smile.